Today I will be driving from Joplin to Clinton to give a presentation. After each presentation I give I get somewhat depressed as it is hard for me to see that there is another one planned and I fear that each presentation was my last. Two nights ago I got this way, but I'm sure as I drive towards Clinton that thought of "never again" won't be there and I will be elated.
After tomorrow night I do something that is going to be odd on Friday; I will return home. My extended journey will be over. In all of my trips in my life I have always looked forward to returning home. I used to always await hearing my pets either bark or meow, but my pets are no longer in this world. Also, my life used to be confined to the house. My entire life was either on my computer, or via Xbox Live. I had no purpose, no direction, so returning home was like living again.
Now though I have a taste of the road, and I now equate being on the road with raising awareness and understanding. I am sure I am blinded, as usual, but returning home is like ending my presentations for good.
This is one of the most annoying traits of being on the spectrum. I can probably guess that there will be more and more chances for presentations, but whatever is now is always and if I return home I return home forever.
These past three weeks have been, without a doubt, the time of my life. How does one deal with life after the best experience they have ever had? I'm not sure I know how. Going from town to town and seeing new places, and giving my presentation and knowing full well that I made an impact has made everything worth it (again, I know I have used the "worth it" many times, but it's true).
It won't be all bad when I return home. Friday night I will be assisting at Tri-City Speedway for the USAC race there, and then on either Monday or Tuesday I will be returning to the Joplin area. The week after that I will be in the Columbia region so while I may see returning home as an end, my logic once again is flawed.
It's been amazing and I can never thank TouchPoint enough for giving me this platform to do this. I may be sad when this leg of my journey is over as it has been the best, but I think I know how to move on after this best experience of my life. How will this be done? I guess I'll just have to make sure it gets better and better.