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Wednesday, August 25, 2010

An Invited Invasion

Today is going to be a hard day; sacred ground is going to be trespassed on. This trespass is invited though, but even still there will be a sense of, well, uneasiness.

At 5:15 a plane is scheduled to land. On this plane will be Rob (aka on Xbox as Dr Payne) and you may know him as I have mentioned him many times on my blog with his first appearance in my 2nd ever entry, "An International Event".

Rob gave me a ticket to go to the Olympics back in February so I am returning the favor by giving him a ticket to go to the IndyCar race in Chicago this upcoming weekend. It will be a great time, and a great race I hope, but later today sacred ground will be stepped on.

When I was younger I hated, with a passion unlike anything else, going to a friend's house. There was one exception to this, but as a rule I wanted home field advantage. Being home there is control. If the game went wrong, or my friend got unruly I had a place to go. At a friend's house there was no where to go or hide so I liked that advantage, but times change.

As much as I always stayed home, now I do not want people to see my home. I have actually not invited a friend to my house in, get this, seven years! The last friend of any sort to be invited in was Emily when we played a game of Scrabble back in 2003.

Why the change? As time went on, and continues to tick away, I have become a much more private person. Contrary to what you may think because I write and talk on such a personal level I am very private. For a person to see where I live and how I arrange things is, to me, much more personal than describing the "dance of the fingers" or expressing how an usher at a NHL game made me rageful. Those events, and those stories, are a cakewalk compared to what is going to happen once that plane lands.

Privacy, to me, is paramount. Using this medium I have complete control on the content. It is this that allows me to communicate so openly. However, if someone is in my environment control is lost. Questions could be asked, opinions could be made, and it will be 100% out of my hands.

I am interested in why there was such a sudden shift from always needing home field advantage to always wanting to be away when interacting with people I know. Is it fully the fact that I am worried what people will think from how they see where I live? Or could it be that, since I drive, it is easier to leave a place rather than ask someone to leave?

I don't have an answer as to why right now. All I know is that I am a private person and I like people not knowing. Don't get me wrong as there is nothing wrong with where I live. It looks like a room, acts like a room, and after the two cleaning sessions it is truly a room. But to me it is more. There are emotions tied to all items. I wrote my book in that room and have spent many a sleepless night typing away. For me I relive all those events daily, so if a person is in that same place it will be like that are experiencing my emotions and will know exactly how I felt. Who would want that?

The minutes are ticking away and 5:15 will get here before I know it. I will do my best to hide my worries and timidness to this invited invasion, but I was the one who made the invitation so I will have to deal with it.

2 comments:

  1. Hi Aaron. I've recently been diagnosed with Asperger. I live by myself too, and if someone visits me with no previous notice, I feel annoyed too, because I'm in "my space" and I'm not in the mood to be with anybody. Sometimes I invite friends, but I prepare for the moment. Although I get tired pretty soon of their presence and want them to go. Ha ha ha...
    As you say, I prefer to go to a friend's house than have them here, because I can go wherever I want. Sorry if I wrote something wrong, I'm from Mexico.

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  2. I keep discovering that I hate going anywhere other than my house with friends (unless it's to dinner or something), for much the same reasons as this paragraph...

    "When I was younger I hated, with a passion unlike anything else, going to a friend's house. There was one exception to this, but as a rule I wanted home field advantage. Being home there is control. If the game went wrong, or my friend got unruly I had a place to go. At a friend's house there was no where to go or hide so I liked that advantage, but times change."

    I always get nervous and try to find some excuse.

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