Last night I attended the Crisis Intervention Team banquet. The banquet is a function to recognize the officers, volunteers, and agencies that make the program the huge success that it is. I had no idea that attending the event would push me to the limit the way it did.
It happened at the start of the program when the colors were presented. Bagpipes were played along with a snare drum and a big bass drum. The snare drum and bag pipes didn't effect me, but with each hit of the gigantic bass drum I felt shock waves throughout my body.
As the officers with the flags marched towards the stage the drum kept being hit. Hit after painful hit happened and I started to slip.
No one outside my house has seen me in full sensory overload. It isn't pretty and will be covered extensively in my 2nd book. I am happy no one has seen it, but I was worried as with each bang of the drum I felt pain, and lots of it.
I tried to phase out of the room in my mind and quickly tried thinking about my upcoming race I am flagging in Las Vegas, but that didn't work. I thought of the presentations I have today, but nothing was drowning out the low level bass noise of that over sized drum.
If you haven't followed my blog, or know me, you should know I have sensory issues. For the most part they are mild such as my discomfort I have wearing jeans. However, when exposed to the right frequency of a low level base noise, well, I try to avoid it at all costs and at this point in time I was in a corner.
There was no where to go. What am I going to do, walk out of a patriotic moment in a room full of officers? I was so close to the drums though, perhaps 15-20 feet away and never have felt such power from the noise.
The base was overwhelming and I could feel it. The sensations are primarily felt in my legs and that's where the pain starts. It feels like an internal fire that starts flowing through the veins and quickly reaches my arms. My pulse quickly escalates and I feel internally hot by externally cold.
I tried everything I could to try and not hear it, but I could feel it. Slowly I drifted away as I was giving into the discomfort. My head slowly drooped to the left and just as I was about to scream the noise ceased.
In all I doubt the song was over 45 seconds long, but for me it was unmeasurable. The amount of will power I exerted was beyond anything I thought I could do.
During the dinner portion a person I know asked me how I thought the program was going and I told him about my struggle with the drums and he said, "Wow, that is something that us normal people never think of. Furthermore it is something I would never even imagine causing any discomfort in a person."
I once came across a person who debated whether or not sensory issues are real or not. This person asked me, "Is it not simply a power play?" I assured them that they are real, but if you have never felt the fury of this type of overload then how could you imagine it? How can you imagine the pain if you have never felt it? How can you even try to comprehend how something that most people find enjoying can cause one of the greatest pains possible? I don't know if you can, but that's why I write.