I am fully aware of the stark contrast in the previous two posts. On Thursday I was elated, happy, and confident in the increasing awareness of autism. Then, the next day, I was bitter, depressed, and angry. This back and forth feeling bounced every which way this weekend.
I struggled with the fact that there are some people that don't care to know. I am being fully honest when I say that I don't understand how a person could do this. I am probably not alone in this thought, but it gets me worked up and angry.
Hearing a story like the doctor I wrote about on Friday somehow makes me lose focus. I don't see what I have done but I just see the ever expanding need for better awareness and understanding. This story made the positive meeting obsolete in my mind. And I should tell you that this mindset is something I have always had in that one negative thing will always trump a positive.
At some point yesterday I finally realized I can't talk to everyone in the world all at once. This was a turning point because it allowed me to see the impact that I have had and not the one that still are, well, maybe clueless is the best word to use.
One thing this emotional weekend showed me is that I care. This is important because being the Community Education Specialist for TouchPoint Autism Services isn't simply my job, but it is a calling that I feel strongly about to the point that when I hear a story such as the clueless doctor it hurts me.
I now know stories like the clueless doctor won't hurt me anymore. Instead of hurting, these stories should motivate us all to expect better from doctors. If you have a doctor that understands the autism spectrum thank him for this! Please remember I am not bashing the field as a whole, but one doctor is one too many and there are excellent doctors out there that care and aren't clueless.
I don't think my passion for this ever decreases, but instead with each story it continues to grow. Later today I have a presentation for police officers going through C.I.T. training (Crisis Intervention Team) and while I'm not going to be able to stop every doctor from being clueless I am able to have an impact each day with those that hear me. There's a part of me that knows that in maybe a day, or a couple days, the thought of what needs to be done will overshadow what has been done. This may seem like a bad thing, but this is where my passion comes from. This is where my writings come from so while I may experience a rollercoaster of emotions every now and then I say it is worth it because there is a lot of need for understanding out there.