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Thursday, July 14, 2011

Bullying: A Guest Blogger

If you have ever read any of my comments I am sure you have come across something that Issha has written. She was going to use the following as a comment to the post The Silent Struggle but it was too long. She sent it to me via e-mail and I asked if she'd like to have it used as a guest blog. She agreed and here it is:

Well I did get into the bully situation. In fact, I've been bullied all my school life. The way I handled it? Every possible way. I usually don't like to tell on people when it involves me either, because of the same reasons. Only there's this point where if things in life frustrate me too much, I'll be sick of being in the same loop and do anything I can to get rid of it.

Mention a way to stop bullying and I've probably tried it. Things is: Whenever a person who bullies doesn't mind getting detention, or some other type of punishment, or even being expelled, the options are limited.

Next to trying to get my teacher to bring out every possible punishment and talking to them and reasoning with them etc., I tried just ignoring them. Just keep doing my schoolwork and pretend I can't hear them. This doesn't work either. This just aggravates them and gets them to a point where they try and get their friends to stand around you and try and get your attention in every possible way. (Yes, I'm talking about chanting the same thing over and over again, shouting my name all the time, previous 2 things mixed, poking me while calling my name, push me around, etc.)

Also, they usually do these things in a way and/or during a time when the teacher can't see/hear. Then when you DO finally decide to tell on them, they usually deny everything that's happened and sometimes even look angry at you for 'trying to set me up!'. In the worst case scenario they even have their friends to back them up, telling they saw it and it was actually me who started the whole thing. From this point on it starts to look like a police investigation. No evidence, no crime. But the criminal is still out there and now knows it was you who turned him in. Time for retaliation.

There was only one time something the school did sort-of helped. But I don't recommend this.

I was new in school, but my chronic fatigue knocked me out that year and I gave up on my school year and instead tried to recover with lots of help from different services.

I did have to go to school at least 3 periods (1 period = 45 minutes) a day though, because of the law and because they wanted to keep me in a rhythm. I still think this is the worst thing they could've done to me, they could better just have me doing small volunteering work or something like that.

Why? I got isolated. I was the weird kid who was always feeling down, never socialised with everyone and could leave whenever she felt a bit tired. (this way their perspective. I didn't feel a little bit tired, I felt like I could faint any minute.)

Not just the class, but suddenly a big part of the SCHOOL started to bully me. You can imagine I didn't like the lunch breaks.

Suddenly a few guys from my class started to follow me on their bikes after school when I was trying to get home (I was on a bike too). They would cycle in half a circle around me SO close, I would hit their bikes if I would even steer just a little bit (the other half of the circle was where the grass next to the road was. If I would've gone over that, I would've gone too slow and they could just stop me).

Their intention was to follow me home. I suspected them from being in a gang a long time already and I had to go through a very deserted place. If something would happen there, probably nobody would see. I was so terribly scared, you can't imagine.

They did this a few times for just the beginning of my journey, but one time they were REALLY planning to follow me home. I had lots of trouble not crying and pretending like I wasn't too impressed. Suddenly they made a mistake. They felt SO powerful, they thought they could afford to cycle a bit ahead of me and wait in a line for me. I have no idea what would've happened if I cycled up to their line, but I don't want to know. I turned around and all my defenses came down (since they couldn't see me anymore) and from the crying and the adrenaline I got the power to cycle faster than ever before and I cycled back to school.

Here I explained everything that happened while crying and shaking. Even some classmates who saw me passing by knew that something big happened. They never saw me this stressed before. (and I cry fast, so that says something)

Because of this the teachers immediately believed me and even wondered why I didn't tell that they were doing that before. They had me point them out in a book with their pictures and names. (I didn't know all the names, because I wasn't at school enough for that)

They told me that they would tell them that they had to stay after school every day as punishment and that if they would even lift so much as a finger towards me, I should say so and it'd result in immediate expelling from school.

This at least got them on low profile. Of course friends of theirs started bullying me now, but at least it wasn't as bad as it was before.

So yea, this did sort of help, but only because I wasn't at that school much and only for a year. Had I had done this while having to be at that school for more years to come, I wouldn't have made it. I was so isolated. Lunch break was just a time to eat my lunch and wait for it to be over for me.

Luckily after half a year some nice girls mentioned they saw me being alone all the time and felt sorry for me and told me I could at least stand with them so I wouldn't be that lonely. This made lunch breaks bearable and I'm very grateful to those girls.

But yea I just want to say... Bullying is one of the worst things in life and if people are REALLY determined on bullying you, they'll get it done. There are plenty of people who don't care for punishment or talks or things like that. And you can't expel every student that bullies. Half the school would be gone.

I sometimes wonder if bullying can ever really be stopped.

Notice some bad vibe in this comment? You guessed right, I'm still being affected by the bullying that happened in my school life.

If someone who bullies themselves read this: Think about what you're doing please. Is it really worth it to mark someone for life, just so that you can be a bit more popular in school? Can you really live with the fact that you're ruining somebody's life for some own gain? Please stop. As someone who's been bullied to you, the bullier, I look you in the eye: Please. Stop.

2 comments:

  1. I am truly honored being a guest blogger. Like I said in my mail, it's not the best I could do since it was meant as a comment, but I still think it's great to have a guest blog here. I hope what I wanted to say came across.

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  2. I think it's wonderful that you're willing to share your past experiences Issha. What you went through sounds awful and nobody should have to go through that. Although bullying is probably more noticeable in childhood through school, it does carry forward into the adult years if the bullies are permitted to do so. It's an unfortunate world we live in. Certain individuals take pride and receive self-satisfaction at the cost of another single individual's security. Personally, I've never understood the whole being "cool" factor. One can only hope for those egotistic, self-satisfying, "cool" folks is that "What goes around, comes around".

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