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Friday, July 8, 2011

The Silent Struggle

Yesterday while basking in the sun and flagging the USAC Mopar .25 Battle at the Brickyard at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway I got to thinking about something well off the race track. The thought didn't last long, but as I was driving back to my sister's I kept thinking about it.

I realized that I am more than fortunate to be where I am today. Everything had to happen just as it did for me to exceed at flagging and, well, my entire life in general. Everything had to be unlocked, but what I thought of was the 'what if's'. What if something didn't go the way it did, what then?

There are countless amounts of people out there that end up in the what then scenario. On top of that us people on the spectrum are horrible at expressing ourselves and stating what we need. For some reason, between races, I thought of the bully situation at schools. I have been asked that question in presentations, but never really dwelled on it, however, using my concept that people on the spectrum have a different sense of time and, "Everything that's now is forever" makes for a even more serious situation.

With that thought I wanted to do something. But what? I don't know what to do about this except to keep doing what I'm doing, but I want to do more. I never dwelled on this subject because the bully issue didn't happen to me. But what if it did? I thought about that on the way home and I know I would have fought the emotions by myself. However, the crushing fact of it would have plagued me because I would not see the light at the end of the tunnel. This is the trap, this is the thing that happens to us. I say many times that I can only see the now and the what is, and for others this may be the same, and if it is the awareness that needs to be done at schools regarding kids with Asperger Syndrome is even higher because we very rarely will mention what is happening to us.

What may confuse teacher is this; I was the class tattle. If someone was out of line with someone else I would mention, but if it involved me I would not say a word. Why? Well, if I mentioned it to the teacher this would involve me. Instead of being the witness I would be the victim so to speak. So, if I went to the teacher, the other person involved surely would know it was I who spoke. Then what? Would the retaliation be worse? On top of that could I get in trouble at all for whatever it was that had happened? Since I could not judge what would happen I never did speak of a matter to a teacher that involved someone calling me a name, or taking a pencil.

We fight the battle alone and I don't think it needs to be this way. To get the awareness up though, that's the battle. A person can only fight this silent struggle for so long. Again, I don't really know what more I can do except to try and talk to more schools. With the numbers of ASD what they are the school systems will eventually have to know what to do, but instead of taking decades let cut that number down.

So today is another day at the track and I am going to enjoy every second of it. In the back of my mind I do know I had a lot of help getting to where I am. I hope through my words and my presentations that I can raise the awareness and understanding so others all over the world can have that chance to succeed.

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