Yesterday was the first day of the Little Hoosier 100 which is a USAC .25 Midget race. The real racing starts today as heat racing begins and yesterday was just practice, but nonetheless yesterday was rather eventful.
Practice began at noon and I was lost in thought. Don't get me wrong, my attention was on the track, but every second there was a break in the action I was deep in thought. What was I thinking about? For some reason I was rather sad actually as I identified that right now I am in one of those pendulum events I blogged about earlier this year. I have much better social skills than I had years ago, but still I am aware of how awkward I am at times. To see everyone else socialize with ease is sometimes rough; most times I don't care and am happy with who I am, but there are those times I wonder what it is like to be so free.
The day on track seemed longer than it was as struggling through these thoughts was taxing. Once the practice was over the day was not over. I thought it would be, but as I walked by James, the series director, he said he needed my help. I didn't know what that meant, but I followed him.
The rest of the crew had better thoughts so I was the only taker on the planking game. Perhaps that just shows everyone else is smarter than me. At least I do have a photo to run though :)
So today is the start of heat racing. At the rate this trip has gone I have no idea what to expect; no, I'm not talking about the on-track activity but rather what happens after the event. If I planked yesterday what will happen today? If there is anything like planking though I am letting someone else go first.
All in all it was a fun day in Lakeville, Indiana. At the end of the day I once again have accepted my social short comings and to those around me, perhaps, they may not visually see anything amiss. I do feel there is a gap though and the anxiety within is immense; however, as usual, there always comes a time when I accept this. I am accepting this now, but still I wonder what it must be like. I named this blog "life on the other side of the wall" for a reason as I'm in the same world as everyone else. I breathe the same air and have the same goals in life as others; however there is this impassable wall I feel. Maybe someday I can break through it, but for now I am fine with where I am at. Again, there are times like these, but it is how one comes through it that is important. Myself? Today is race day and today will be a good day.