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Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Returning to a Home

Last night under a starry sky I got returned to my mom's house in Rapid City. It had been over three years since I was last here and yet it was like I never had left. I was extremely tired after the two days of travel, but once I got inside it honestly was just like how I remembered.

The events of three years ago plays a major part in my 2nd book, and I personally, right now, don't want to describe those or relive it at this point in time as the events of the past three days are a strange parallel. What I will say though about visiting three years ago, was that it was my first time to my mom's house. She moved here in 2004 and I had not been out to see her. Just because it is her place doesn't mean that the place is void of memories. Much of the stuff in my environment in my life up to 2003 is in this house and when I saw it in 2008 when I was out here for the first time, well, it was rough. Really rough!

Last time I was here I saw all my toys, and all the photo albums, such as the album that as this photo to the right, and I broke down. I saw all these things as tokens from years and events that can never be duplicated and from that I could not see that there was a future.

From the events I wrote about in yesterday's blog I am seeing things a little bit differently now. Does this have to do with anything on the autism spectrum? I'm not sure, but I think I am growing on this trip. I wish the whole trip would have had a different tone though as Sunday simply ruined any chance of this being remembered for good reasons, but nonetheless I have started to look at life just a little bit differently. I used to have a sense of horror about tomorrow and the day after tomorrow because that represented time lost. If there's one thing I'm learning it's that life has to be lived. I'm lucky because I can live my passion by expressing my thoughts, hopes, and emotions through my writings and presentations. Whereas before I hated aging and time I now see each day as a new event and a new chance at learning and growing.

Each time I feel as if I've covered everything, and that there's nothing more to write on I always have what I call a, "writing explosion." Currently I am in one and I think I am going to start writing my 5th book sometime soon with the first chapter being this trip I'm on. I though when I finished my 4th one 12 days ago that my book writing days were done, but I was wrong.

Well, this was supposed to be about returning to a place that isn't my home, but feels like it, but I got sidetracked. I'll be honest and say that I am actually writing this on Tuesday night with it going live in the morning as I think I may sleep 22 hours (number may be slightly inflated). My mom isn't here, Rob's in another room, and my mom's dog, Truman, is laying beside me, but he keeps wanting to get a hold of my hand to get some attention, or rather a scratch behind the ear. Yes, this isn't my home, but as the saying goes, "home is where the heart is" and seeing my stuff, and having a Yorkie beside, tonight home is here.

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