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Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Closing in on 500

Of all the times of the year I am most reflective during the holidays. Having my videographic memory doesn't hurt this, but it is at times difficult. I have been a bit down because of all the memories, but coincidentally enough this Monday will be my 500th post!

On the drive up to Indy the weather was almost identical to the drive up I had on the 30th of December back in 2004 when I arrived at my brother's house at 5:15AM. It was on that car ride that I spoke to Emily for the last time up until a call back in 2008. I think back to that night and all the struggles I had, and fears, and to think here I am now is amazing.

In addition to my 500th post coming up I've also started the planning for my annual "Numbers of..." and my year in review post. This too has aided the intensity of the memories, but my goodness what a year it has been! In 2004 the only thing I was hoping was that, well, that any thing would change for the positive. I didn't have much of anything going for me and the only thing I looked forward to each day was continuing my domination on the Xbox game of Toca Race Driver 2. That was it, that was all that I had. Granted, I did enjoy every minute on that game, but in terms of achieving anything in life I had written myself off.

I know I've been somewhat repetitive in this message, but I still can't believe the progress that's been made and if you could have seen me all those years ago I doubt you'd see any similarity to today. I was bitter, angry, and quiet. Yeah, today I can still be a bit snippy when things go awry, and I'm still quiet in an open-ended environment (you should have seen me at the grocery store yesterday! I was actually going to blog about that and totally forgot up until writing this line.) but I've accepted all these things about me. Through acceptance and understanding I have grown.

So today is another day. I'm sure throughout today I will think back to Christmases past when I was unaware of what I had, and then the ones that I practically refused to partake in any function whatsoever due to the bitterness I had inside. While I still regret the whole "breaking up on Christmas via text message" I did to Emily I feel I am finally turning the corner. I may say I have grown a great deal since 2004, but I still have a ways to go.

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