As if I hadn't had enough to write about this year this had to happen. Saturday night I returned to my car in a parking lot to find this:
That "X" is right above my door handle on the driver's door. When I saw it I was on the phone and it was like a fuse being lit within. "This is my car! Who would do something like that?"
It took a short time, maybe three minutes, before the anger explosion hit. In my mind I could not see the fact that it may be able to be repaired. The only thing that was, was the fact that my car was now a pile of junk because some yahoo wanted to be a punk.
Had someone keyed my previous car I don't think I'd have been as upset. You see, the car I got is more than a car to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm materialistic, but I had never been in a position in my life to buy anything major and this car was my first major purchase of my life, and now someone had the audacity to put an "X" on it.
The rest of the weekend I was in a bitter mood; so much so that I didn't even have any urge to leave my place yesterday. There's a fear now that this has happened. Since it has happened once it will happen again. But here's the thing I am caught up on, why would someone do this in the first place?
I used to be afraid of everyone. It's true, somewhere early on in my writing I had a sentence something along the lines of this, "People are scary because most people are evil and because of that people are not worth knowing." That was my old belief and in my presentations and travels I have learned that my old belief is wrong. However, it only takes one. Yes, it only takes one person's childish actions to bring upon a avalanche of fear and second guessing.
Had this happened five or so years ago, and let's say I had this car, I very well might have tossed in the towel as I would have convinced myself that this proved my belief beyond a reasonable doubt.
I've come to believe that the foundation for my former fears regarding people was the unpredictability of them. Since I could never gauge how people would act or react this made the world an "evil" place. I've grown though and while I am still upset about this "X", and one person jokingly told me that, "X must mark the spot" I don't think it is going to skew my world view.
Who did this? I'm not sure; I could go to the security desk and file a complaint, which is lengthy, and then they may review the tapes in the future and that is a whole lot of work to accomplish nothing. Besides, if I would eventually see the video it would make this person real. Right now there is no association with them, just a disembodied being that put an "X" on my car. If I were to see the person walk up and willfully mar my vehicle, well, perhaps then my world view would change and I would slowly go back to the abyss where the world is a dark and scary place. Because I don't want to go back, and filing a report like that, in all honesty, would be about as bad as the "X" itself, I just want to say to the person who keyed my car, "Shame on you! It's actions like yours that used to keep a person like me at home scared. It might just be a minor case of vandalism, but it's more than that to me. However, you aren't going to win this time. Today, you probably feel cool, complete, and accomplished for your action on the other side of the law, and if so congratulations on the lack of a conscience. Myself, I'm not going to slow down, my time for being bitter is over and all I've got to say, once again, is shame on you."