It's been a phenomenal run! The past two months I've been doing presentation after presentation and also flagged the largest kart race in the world. My confidence in doing those things is rising each time and I now have no level of "butterflies" or anxiety before presentations now. In fact, for someone new to my blog, the past two months may be confusing and they may have even asked, "Is this person really on the spectrum?"
Today the run ended. I've said many times that when I'm in my element I can forget that I'm on the spectrum, in a way. It isn't something that is forgotten, exactly, but the daily reminders aren't there. Today I was the reminder was obvious.
This morning, the Saint Louis Police Academy had an appreciation breakfast for those who have volunteered this past year. I've been to the academy no less than 50 times to do my police presentation so I know the building. Today, however, there was no presentation and no "alias" (see my glossary page on the upper right side of the bar if you don't know what that means... At least I hope I included it on that page!) so I was just myself.
The starting point was classroom one, which is the room I've given the vast majority of my presentations. If anything, you could say I became the speaker I am today in that room because my first 20 or so presentations were in that room. Typically, it is easy to give a presentation in that room as I walk in, with confidence, and take control of the room without any hesitation. Today was not a typical day.
I walked into the room and there were maybe 50 or so people there and the seats were going fast. Usually I walk into that room with firm direction and no hesitation. Today I looked about as lost as a person can look indoors. I haven't mentioned it in quite some time on here, but the "positional warfare" was wreaking havoc on my movements. On the outside I may have looked unemotional, but on the inside a storm of anxiety and fear was raging.
After some tense seconds, I finally found a seat that had no one sitting either one seat left or right of it and then a few moments after that it was time to go to the room that had breakfast.
To better explain the breakfast room I did a little diagram on MS Paint. Before you see it I do want to mention that I did spend a "little" time on it and that I also flunked 1st grade art. If I had spent a lot of time on this minor art project the result would have been the same. Also, it's been a while since I did a diagram (I thought just two days ago I need another MS Paint picture) so I wanted an excuse to make one so here goes: