The photo to the right is from the event with me giving the double checkereds and I wish you could see my face as I am in a state of pure enjoyment; there isn't anything else I enjoy than manning the flags at the finish line. It is pure euphoria and every second is cherished.
However, as with everything, time passes and events end. It's in this transition from supreme Kansas to not that is the most difficult.
Imagine living in an usual state of high anxiety, stress, and worry and then getting a recess from it. Now imagine that in that recess you are doing something that defies what you normally are. What I mean by this is I am normally soft spoken and walk with a hesitancy (this, of course, doesn't apply to when I am presenting). The photo is the opposite of that; I am confident and have no problem making my voice heard.
As soon as the final checkered falls on an event I am working it is like having every ounce of energy drained from my being. I put everything into flagging and as soon as the event is over all the energy that I have used catches up to me. Also, the confidence I had vanishes. I guess one could say I experience a metaphorical crash of sorts because I have nothing left and all the fears, worries, and over-thinking my mind does comes back with a vengeance.
This, right here, is a prime example of why we will do everything we can to get to our Kansas. The differences are as great as can be and when we enter that linking time from Kansas to not can be a crushing experience.
Here's the other thing that if you are a parent or teacher you NEED to know; I am feeling rather junky today mourning the passing of Kansas and the event that was the SKUSA SummerNats and yet in just two days I will be in the flagstand for the USAC .25 Battle at the Brickyard in Indianapolis. It's that series' largest event of the year and yet, right now, I can't see that Kansas will be renewed in less than 48 hours. The future is a hard thing to see and even if I know that Kansas will happen again it will be hard for me to know that it will happen again.
So that's where I am today. In just a few hours I will be on my way to the airport to head back to Indy and then I have one day to recover until the Battle at the Brickyard.