This was supposed to have been posted on Friday morning but when I pressed published it didn't...
It's early and I'm about to head to the USAC office and then we're off to Toledo for the next round of the Generation Next series. I've been thinking about this day for almost two weeks as today will be the first day back on the flag stand since Kalamazoo.
To be perfectly honest, I do have a sense of hesitancy in me. The day after Kalamazoo I, for the first time ever, thought about hanging up the flags for the final time. I then thought who I would be without racing and without flagging.
If you've followed my blog since the beginning I'm sure you noticed the increase in my confidence level since picking up the USAC national .25 series. Being able to flag this series might be one of the most important things that has ever happened to me because that confidence has carried over into other things including presentations. So, if I were to lose that, what would I have?
When I raced I had crashes and the very first one I had at the old Gateway Raceway in 1996 when I was 13 gave me "the bug" for some time. For a little over a year I was hesitant when I raced and this got me caught up in more accidents. Eventually I realized that I could not race with fear and expect a good result and eventually I got over my fears and got back to my self before the crash.
So, how will I be this weekend? In my role as flagman being hesitant is not an option. As I say when flagging, perfection is a virtue and it's something I strive for each and every time. To be perfect requires 100% hyper-focus and any sense of fear will not be conducive to that. Of course, isn't a sense of fear natural after an accident?
I've thought about today for almost two weeks. There may be a sense of worry now, but when I take the stand and I'm in my role I think, no, know that the fear will go away. It has to because it means to much to me to let a little thing such as fear get in the way. I'm going to take that stand today, tomorrow, and Sunday as if nothing ever happened and the only thing that matters is making sure everything is ran as smoothly and safely as possible. This means to much to me and I learned from before that racing scared is not good. This weekend is about perfection and whatever happened two weeks ago doesn't matter. Perfection is a virtue and this weekend is going to be perfect.