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Monday, November 19, 2012

After nats

It's over! It hasn't been more than seven hours since I threw the final checkered of the 2012 SKUSA Supernats and already the sense of withdrawal is setting in. Of all the times of the year this is the hardest.

There is nothing more challenging than transitioning from the ultimate Kansas to not being in that Kansas. This isn't to diminish everything else I do, or everything else that I am but to go from the most challenging and exhilarating five days back to normality is rough. And just normality, but for the past five days I have stood with confidence and have been able in my ways. There has been nothing to write about in terms of having Asperger's. As I say about Kansas, its within Kansas that I feel the most normal and the past days I have been in that state. So in a way, as I have retread this paragraph I have written, during the Supernats I feel normal and when it's over I return to my normality.

I'm writing this Sunday night and this will serve as my Monday post as tomorrow is a most unique of days. Usually I just fly home and then on Tuesday proceed to my aunt's house in Virginia but this year I have a presentation on Monday here in the Vegas area. Then, tomorrow night, I catch a red-eye flight and will arrive in Indianapolis Tuesday morning where my dad will pick me up. That's going to be interesting as I don't sleep we'll in vehicles. And my presentation tomorrow will be difficult as I'm going up be sore, tired, and still reeling from Supernats withdrawal.

There's another side effect from the end of the race and that is everything else seems more difficult. My worries have been escalating the past two weeks and now they are more daunting in their scope. I don't want it to be that way, but as I have found out, one of the challenges of Asperger's is that when one thing, no matter how big or small, troubles me or is effecting my emotions it creates a cascading reaction that begins to make everything seem impossible.

Despite how I feel right now I wouldn't trade the past days for anything. Each year I get better at this and this year I had a flawless performance. I can't believe I have done five of these! Five! And in just under a year it will be six. Already I'm counting the days that once again I will be in my ultimate Kansas. Whereas most everyone else is tired, worn out, and the last thing they're thinking about is going through the five days of the Supernats but I'm ready! Bring it on! I'd give anything for November 2013 to be here and once again I have five straight days that I walk with confidence and have no second thoughts about any of my actions. It'll be a long wait, but oh, when they arrive once again I will be more than ready!

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