After an intense start of the month I had several days off so from Seward, Nebraska Rob and I drove to my home in Saint Louis. It was a much needed rest as I had done 15 presentations in 10 days but at the same time the return home allowed me to think for the first time.
Think about what? I go back to my dedication blog and the fact that I haven't had time to feel anything since I wrote that blog while flying to the Streets of Lancaster race. The way I can describe this feeling is that of running; running trying to stay in front of these emotions. I can feel this grief, and sense of loss within me, but at the same time it's much like a shadow that is seen out of the corner of the eye and whether or not it was there or not is anything but a certainty.
Being home was a weird feeling as if the previous ten days had not happened. I had been go go go and it was such a twist to, a couple days ago, go pumpkin picking with my girlfriend. And now I'm back on the road in Joplin headed down to Texas.
The feelings being back on the road, for me, are mixed. Once again I'm back in the race; the race of spreading as much awareness and understanding to as many people as I can, but I still have this sense of loss within me. It's still there but there's nothing I can do. Perhaps this is just another illustration of the fact that it's easy for me to experience the emotion than to express it, but in this case the experience is so deep that the simple acknowledgement that it is there is almost too much.
Today's blog isn't long, and it's been since Wednesday since I've written and the reason for the delay have been these emotions, but I don't know if I've ever said so much in so little as I have today. Speaking of today it's now time to head to Texas where tomorrow will be a busy day with what I think is a triple header.