Share it

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Dear Normal

Dear normal,

For years I searched for you, even yearned for you. You, whatever you are, are what I wanted beyond everything else in life. Before I was diagnosed 10 years ago with Asperger's I never even considered pondering what normal was but after learning about what I had normal became a way of life. A way of life? Yes, but not for me. You see, after I learned what I had everyone else, instantly, became normal and I was alone. I'd look around and want what everyone else had which was normality.

Dear normal,

I spent many years after that searching for you. In my eyes everyone else had it all; happiness, friends, jobs, and all of this, in my mind, was easy for everyone except me. This led me down a path of supreme darkness because I believed there was no hope for me. I'd see everyone else and I'd grow sad and bitter because what everyone else had was something I'd never have.

Dear normal,

It took a while but eventually I began to learn that you aren't as powerful as I first thought. Ten years ago you were the only thing I thought of. I'd have given anything to, for just a fleeting moment, to experience what you represented in my life. Because of this I forgot who I was and all my goals in life. You might not think this, but you blinded me because to be you, or normal, was my only goal in life.

Dear normal,

In just the past few years your power on me has subsided. Yes, it took a long time but I've learned that everyone else isn't perfect, or 'normal'. When I was blinded by you I'd see everyone else as almost perfect because they fit into this image of normality and normality, in my mind, was perfection. But it doesn't work this way, does it? Everyone has their quirks, their strengths, and their weaknesses.

Dear normal,

As I now have known that I'm on the autism spectrum for ten years my views on you are much different. Back then I yearned for you but today I don't even know if you exist. Perhaps you're just an image that a person like me conjures up and then you become everything I am not. If that's so does that mean anyone is normal? If this is so is this a bad thing? I don't think it is. What I saw in year all those years ago I now consider, in a way, boring. I hope you don't take offense to this, normal, but if you ever hear my presentation I joke that, "Yeah, normal, whatever that is, and you know I don't think there is such thing as normal and if we do find that one normal person out there that lives in this wide world of ours I will say 'congratulations' because we have just found the most boring individual on the face of this Earth."

Dear normal,

I firmly believe you are an illusion and a trap. Yes, there's time I want to be "more normal" but everyone is different, right? Can you, or anyone, explain what normal is? And if so does that mean I have to live a life that's limited by the limitations of normal? If this is so I want no part of that, but after all I don't think that you, normal, really exists. And then again, what if you do? What if normal is simply the state of being alive? Since we are all different does that mean normality is being different from everyone else. If this is so then we are all different, all unique, and at the same time all normal. I wish I would have realized this 10 years ago because my initial image of normal was an illusion, a myth, and a life that no one could possibly live. So dear normal, whatever you are, it's been an odd relationship these past 10 years but I'm finally over you because you aren't going to control my life; I'm not going to try and be whatever it is I thought you are, because I am me and I am happy being who I am.

5 comments:

  1. Dear Aaron thanks for sharing this letter it is full of wisdom and true, with this you made my day full of joy

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am so glad you are not NORMAL. If you were the world would be impoverished by the absence of you message of hope.

    ReplyDelete
  3. The world would be boring if we were all normal Aaron. We all have character and that's what makes each of us different. Its what makes life interesting and fun. Great blog!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Great blog Aaron. If we were all "normal" life would be boring. We all have developed our own character as we grow and its what makes life go on and so interesting at the same time!

    ReplyDelete
  5. It has been my experience that "normal" is what everyong thinks everyone else is. So technically, normal is anything but ourselves. I personally take offense to being labeled normal. I strive to be anything but. I'm glad you finally came to the conclusion you did about it. Like my avatar says, Normal Is Boring.

    ReplyDelete