One of the things that I struggle with is having a memory that is too good. I know I'm not alone on this because I'll have others with Asperger's come up to me after a presentation and ask, "do you have trouble moving on, or having memories just stay with you?" and I will smile and say, "most certainly."
So what is it today that I'm remembering? One year ago today I was in San Antonino speaking at a conference and during that presentation I hit 20,000 people spoken to. Of course, since then, I've almost doubled that number but there's something about memories that makes places in time stand out and become bigger and grander than at that moment.
That trip last year, well, I remember it all. When a memory like this gets playing it's hard to extinguish it as it will just stay there. One thing that made this trip so exciting for me was that this was my first time flying out of Saint Louis to keynote at a conference. As a speaker I took this as one of the biggest honors in the whole world and despite everything else I've done I'd give just about anything to go back a year to relive that trip.
There's another aspect to this and that is memories of the present that I know will be something like that of San Antonio of last year. As I mentioned last week, my mom is visiting me here in Saint Louis and originally she was going to leave today but has since decided to leave tomorrow. My house now feels more like a home since she has been here and every little thing, at some point in time, will be something big and knowing this, well, it's rough because there is no off switch which makes enjoying the present a difficult task. That's what I'm going to try today, but I just don't know.