There are many things about me that, for others, can sometimes be confusing as to why something could mean so much and one of those things is my inability to accept the fact that something is lost or that something is forgotten. Many times in my life, and I do mean many, I have spent hours on end trying to find something in my house that I know is in it but I'm just not sure where. This, I'm sure, is something everyone does from time to time be it a relic from years past, perhaps a picture, or maybe even a school yearbook. Whatever the case when something is lost one wants it to be found but for myself this, when it happens, takes on a level that most people can't understand.
I've used a line many times in my books and blog and that is, "... the only thing that matters" and while the first half of that sentence may change the part of that something might be on the only thing that matters does not. And I must say that I can't think of a better way to put it so just remember this; whatever is is the only thing that matters and that means if I am trying to find something nothing else, at that moment in time, means anything; the only relevant thing in life is trying to find that item.
Another aspect of my life this plays out, besides going on scavenger hunts in my own home (seriously, unless you've seen me in finder mode I don't know if you can appreciate the thoroughness of one of my hunts for a lost item) is the mental effort my mind does when something is forgotten. Memories are important to me and to forget something, for me, is like losing a part of myself. My memories are sacred to me and if I know only 75% of the story then my mind will dwell and use all available processing resources to come up with an answer. I can't tell you how many times I've given my dad a partial memory of an event when I was under the age of eight wanting the full story so my mind can be put to ease.
Recently, this past week, I've been suffering with this very thing as I can't remember something from my own presentation. One thing about my presentation is that, over the past four years, it has changed. The concepts may still be the same but the stories and presentation of them has. There is one story, however, that I used for well over a year but I can't remember where in my presentation I used it. I remember the event though, and I even blogged about it in 2012 (and what an event it was!) but I can't remember how or where I used this story. On top of that I've asked ten people who have seen my presentations and remember this story but, they can't remember where it went either!
I'm sure you're thinking, "what does it matter where it went?" and that answer, logically speaking, might make sense because, after all, if it were vitally important to my presentation I'd remember. Right? Maybe, but the fact is I am curious and I've thought and thought and thought and over the weekend I even rehearsed my presentation in my head and I came up with nothing.
To forget something is to lose a part of myself and even though it may seem irrelevant the fact of knowing where in my presentation that went would put me at ease. Right now, because it is forgotten, it is the only thing that matters. And I must also say that this can be very tiresome because doing tasks that need to be done take more energy because my mind is off trying to remember something.
Maybe this week will lead me to some answer as to how I used the Henry County library event in my presentation. It was in my presentation for well over a year but as of this moment now I can give you the story word for word as I would in my presentation, but as to where it belonged all I have are questions and that, right there, makes it the only thing that matters.