I have to start this post with an apology because I'm breaking a major rule that my college comp 101 teacher made. She said, "You should never write about a breakup or an ex boyfriend/girlfriend as it's all been done before" okay, I've broken that rule many times, but she continued, "and never, ever use a sports metaphor." Maybe she wasn't a sports fan, maybe she had a point, but today I will be using a sports metaphor.
I've got a lot on my plate right now and there are so many exciting projects and future projects that could stem from the exciting projects that is a little overwhelming. The biggest things right now are The Blue Wave campaign and my YouTube series which should be debuting next month.
To say I've thought about this YouTube series a lot would be an understatement. My mind is on it, and I even dreamed about it last night, on how to market it, make it bigger, and yesterday I even came up with the framework for my 2nd season. Then, I started thinking about what could come from the 2nd season and then got a slight hint of anxiety as I feared coming up with an idea for season three. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Right? I'm planning out the endgame when the game hasn't even started yet (cue the sports metaphor) which is like planning a strategy for the fourth quarter of a football game when the coin toss hasn't even happened yet. How can one possibly plan out a relevant strategy when one doesn't know what position one will be in at that point in time.
To be honest, I've been a pro at this metaphor my entire life. When I think of something I don't think of step one but I see the entire project all at once. This was one of the near debilitating things for myself in school because I would see all the work needed to be done in all the subjects all at once. Think about that; it isn't simply going from subject A to subject B. Instead it is seeing months and months worth of work in A, B, C, D, and let's not forget the total of 14 long paged essays that need to be written, and the week upon week of spelling tests and to top it all off there will be an entire semester's worth of fun with fractions.
If you were to see everything that needed to be done at the beginning you too might get a little anxious and a little overwhelmed. The way my body handles this is that I have to fend off all this signals telling me to give up and all these signals that say, "it'll never get done. You'll never be good enough, it's too much work, just give up!"
A couple factors create that mindset. First, when seeing everything at once, there isn't a sense of progression. Through progression comes a sense of accomplishment and from that comes motivation to continue onward. Secondly is that the way I plan the progression never quite happens the way I intended just like my sports metaphor. If you plan for the 4th and plan on having a big lead but the 4th comes around and you're behind you're going to have to change your plans. But, change is bad and calling an audible isn't the easiest of things to do. Thirdly, comes frustration from thinking about it over and over and planning over and over.
Thinking about something, whatever it is, over and over and over is exhausting. This, too, was one of my challenges in school. Not only was the work itself potentially exhausting but thinking about the work to come and all that would require was downright catastrophically exhausting.
My mind about 2015 has now been swinging back and forth. I started with so much confidence and when the final second of 2014 passed I looked forward with so much enthusiasm. Just six days in I feel overwhelmed now. I don't want to feel this way, and if I could just accept that if 10% of the stuff I want to achieve happens it'll be an amazing year I would feel much, much better. But that's the problem; I can't simply not think. I can't simply plan for the simple choice of my sports metaphor's coin toss. A coin toss is a simple thing, heads or tails, but I'm seeing it all at once, the entire game, and planning for the fantastic end. It's a long road to get there, and for now I'm going to have to stay strong to not let those signals telling me to give up to win.