It figures that my final day is the first day that I actually slept past 8:00 a.m. However, even though I did sleep longer than I had been, and it was an uninterrupted sleep, it felt as if I hadn't slept at all. My body feels worn down, tired, and this is frustrating because I wanted to go see the play "Anne" at Theater Amsterdam but my body is telling me otherwise.
I started the day by walking to a grocery store to bring home so candy because the selection here is much greater than what I see back home. The walk to and back was about fifty minutes and the final fifth of the walk was just brutal. I've walked more in the past week than I have most of this year. I don't think that's and exaggeration. I did a quick skim of all the places I've walked and I came up with about fifty miles. That might be a tad high, but even still it's no doubt the reason why my body has thrown in the white flag.
Again, this frustrates me because how often am I here? There's still so much to see. I didn't make it to the main waterfront. I didn't take the van tour to see the countryside and the windmills. And yet I have done so much. While those things I mentioned were touristy things, I feel what I have done has been more important than that. This wasn't a vacation, this wasn't a "let's leave the country just because." This was a trip to challenge myself, to see how strong I really am and to push my boundaries. After my breakup, I was down on myself and I needed something new; also, I needed something to rejuvenate my writing. While my writings were still relevant they had grown stagnant and what better way to kick start the creative juices than to throw myself into a new environment?
I'm starting to cherish every moment now. This morning was the last time I'd have this hotel breakfast and every breakfast from henceforth will be a disappointment. When I got back from the grocery store and walked into the lobby and the friendly staff of the Bilderberg Garden greeted me, I walked a few paces towards the elevator and I just inhaled to try and remember this smell.
In life, one is only granted so many opportunities that are new, and are "firsts" on a huge level and this experience of traveling abroad by myself will be something that I can do again, but it won't be the same as I've done it before. That being said, I'm cherishing every thing from the smell of the lobby, to the sound of the traffic outside my window, to even the lighting in the hotel room.
I may find the energy to leave the hotel later, but it appears doubtful which means the bulk of this experience is over and while I'm still here I'm mourning the loss. I'm glad I've dedicated so much time to writing because I don't remember half the stuff I've done. It's odd to think that just two days ago I was in England, which it seems like years and years. Also, writing in real time has kept the true emotion and soul of the events intact. Had I written this a week later, or rather when you're reading this now, my observations wouldn't have been as precise or as deep.
Was this a success? I'll have to think on that and I'm sure I'll have my final insights as I write my final post on the plane headed home tomorrow. Thinking about writing that post alone has brought me to tears so I've constantly wondered if this trip was worth the price. I know I've learned more about the fourth wall and I think this will make me a better presenter, but before I go on writing about that I'll save those thoughts until tomorrow. Until then, today is a day of rest, or trying to relax, and most of all reflection of who I am, what I've done, and how on earth did I manage to break out and do all this stuff?