Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Vacation

I lead a most dynamic life; I really do. I've gotten used to the travel, the miles, the airports, the presentations, the race tracks and all the while there is no rest for the brain of a writer; even more so when one is writing about their life. In all hours, including my dreams, Asperger's is in the forefront of my thought. As I walk through my day I'm analyzing, "would this make for a decent blog?" and I'm piecing together the words I want to use to describe whatever it is that I'm trying to get you, the reader, to understand. 

So yes, my life is dynamic and fluid and it's become commonplace to flag a race on the west coast, fly home, present at the police academy, present somewhere out of Saint Louis, then drive to Indy and ride with the USAC crew to another race the following weekend all the while analyzing and thinking. It is taxing and the toll that dedication to what I do has never been apparent to me until recently. 

This has been the most turbulent year of my life since 2005 and yet it's been one of the best. I ended a one-and-a-half year relationship, thought I was in another relationship but was wrong, had a brown recluse bite, been knocked over and out several times while working races, had to cancel my first presentation of my career due to illness, drove through a tornado, and have traveled to Europe and Asia. I've essentially been running nonstop since the breakup trying not to feel; attempting to suppress emotions, but how can I considering explaining emotions is what I do. 

I've written more in the first seven months of the year than any other whole year of my life. I'm not complaining about this as this is actually rather awesome considering the scarcity of what I consider major blog posts from 2014. Emotions are what fuel me, remind me of where I came from, but without the ability to harness them they become overwhelming. Thoughts that I'm not good enough nor will I ever be creep in. Good enough compared to what? I don't know, I don't have that answer, but they're there. Because of this I realized that I am in dire need of a rest... A vacation. 

I've tried to take vacations in the past but in each one I booked presentations or ended up writing more than I typically do. That being so I'm going to attempt to have a true vacation where I don't analyze, I don't journal, and I don't think of the words I'm going to use on my blog. I'm going to try not and worry about the fate of my second book and every other thing in my life I have no control over. I thought about where I could go and I thought a out going overseas again but that would just turn into another Aspie Traveler series which is extremely exhausting with the required brain power used to write let alone the grind of international travel. Then I thought about using some of my frequent flyer miles to travel to a coast, but where would I go and what would I do? Then last week my dad suggested I go see my mom who lives in Gordon, Nebraska. Actually, it wasn't so much as a suggestion but an adamant, "you need to" and for the first time I agreed I needed a break. 

So today I'm hitting the road and the intent is to rest and recharge. My goal is to not worry about creating the best blog in the world, or to critique my last presentation. I hope I can simply enjoy being in, what I consider to be, the frontier in a quiet town 99.999% of people have never heard of. I pride myself on my ability to endure strenuous hours and a travel schedule most people can't even follow but there comes a point in time when a break is needed and I'm at that point. 

Will I follow what I have set out for? I don't know and actually I'd be willing to wager that I won't. For over five years now my sole mission in life is to raise awareness and understanding of the autism spectrum. I'm near 670 presentations given and 55,000 people spoken to. I have a burning fire though and I see a day with a shallow blog as a day wasted, but if I'm too mentally exhausted to create any work worth any merit then wouldn't that mean many wasted days? 

It's going to be a foreign experience and I might have to tell my mom to yell at me if I break out the laptop or iPad should I start to write. If things go well my next blog post will be on August 17th but should I cheat on my vacation it'll be sooner. 

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