September 30, 2013: There I was! What a journey it had been from the SKUSA Streets of Lancaster and red-eye flights, and flight cancellations that saw me sleeping on the floor of the airport but it was a sleep of great slumber because what was to come was nothing short of the world.
September 30, 2015: The phone rang and it was a phone call I had been awaiting a long time for. I've been up many a sleepless night awaiting this call for it was the result of this call, whenever it came, that has been my measurement of accomplishment.
The journey home had been not what I expected but my co-pilot Rob and I were ready to travel across the country presenting to teachers, parents, and students. I didn't know what was to be expected as we embarked on this journey but this was going to be it... This was going to lead to the phone call...
The words came out of the phone slowly, methodically, and I awaited to hear the news. Maybe it was wrong to put so much stick in what was about to be said, but in my life I've always had a hard time having a barometer to measure just what it is that I do, but if the result of this call was positive then I would know I've achieved something.
The journey that started on September 30th was one which I could never have imagined. I'd end up speaking to over 7,500 in just one month! My confidence had never been higher and when I got home I yearned to be back on the road traveling here and there, enduring 1,000 mile drives, and speaking in front of thousands at a time.
I heard the words but they weren't what I was expecting. What was the news? I'm not going to say as I don't want the specifics known, but the news was devastating. I had been led on for years and all signs pointed to that I was good enough, I had done enough, and I had given more than enough to warrant the news I wasn't hearing. Instead, what I heard, was that I hadn't done any of that.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of the journey that started on September 30, 2013. It is the month which all other months are measured up to which might be unfair because no month will ever top that month. That's part of the challenge, though, to better the unbeatable.
There, I'm sure, won't be a day that the news from yesterday won't be relived. Over and over, and over again. To have such high hopes for so long and to have them quelled, squashed, and ran over with a freight train is, to say it in the least, deflating, but how will I use this news? I'm afraid of this answer because it can go one of two ways; it may fester in the forefront of my mind telling me I'm not good enough and never have been. Can I be so foolish though to let one bit of news like that have so much dominion over me? Can I let just one simple rejection counterfeit every other thing I've done? The problem with the all or nothing mindset is that I'm only as good as the most recent event. The way I should take this news is to use it as fuel; motivation towards proving them wrong. To show them I am worth it, always have been, and to become the biggest and brightest and someday be able to say, "see what you could've had? And you let it get away. Oh, don't you feel foolish now?" That's what I should see.
I didn't know it when the journey started but I was living the dream, truly a dream and maybe it was too good of a month because my outlook on life and myself had never been brighter.
I don't know what the future is going to hold but right now it feels like a nightmare and the night is long. Isn't there a saying though that it must get darker before it gets light. Is that where I am now?