Ever been stuck in a moment? I’m dealing with that right now as this being stuck in a moment issue often goes with emotions and that’s what I’m dealing with. The issue at hand, which should’ve been a good one, was the moment I finished my travel book last week.
Yes, it should be a good moment, but when I wrote the final paragraph, which is tremendously beautiful (sorry, I’m not sharing it… I can’t ruin the ending) I might add, I broke down in tears. I did as it was the culmination of 18 months of work and more inner perspective than I had ever done. Perhaps it’s only natural to have a feeling of emptiness after devoting so much time, resources, and emotion to a project. However, with the completion came a sense that it was all over and that none of the events or work ever happened.
I know this sounds odd, but a problem I deal with is the problem with now. Well, there isn’t a problem with now but the problem is when things aren’t in the current. If something is now or ongoing then it exists, but when it passes it’s as if it doesn’t exist which makes the emotions that I’m dealing with all the more confusing because I’m stuck in that moment and yet it’s as if the emotions preceding the event didn’t happen. Confused? That’s very much the contradictory emotional realm Asperger’s creates which has made writing highly difficult as of late because there’s such a variance of emotions that is difficult to make sense of.