Monday, September 19, 2016

Where I've Been: Reopening the Faucet


Where has my blog been? Or rather, where has new content been? I’ve gone through the longest bout of being unable to write since I first discovered writing as an outlet. There were several triggers to this, one being the worst experience I’ve ever had to endure in my life (which I won’t be talking about) which with all that combined it closed the faucet and my ability to express anything, written or aloud, was closed off.

It’s been horrible, downright dreadful to be honest as I’ve been exceptionally trapped with no outlet and my usual method in writing was turned off. I didn’t realize just how important the faucet of writing has been for me. It’s what has kept the balance and has allowed emotions to be processed and then, over time, purged. This jam up I’ve had has made all areas of my life suffer and that’s the importance of the outlet.

Each person on the autism spectrum may find his or her own method, or faucet so to speak, on being able to let things flow out. Some will find it easier than others and I sort of lucked into the medium of written words. Whatever that faucet is, though, never until now have I realized how important it is that the faucet remains open.

I don’t have many ways to handle things and if I am unable to I shut down. There isn’t a middle ground on this, as with most things regarding the autism spectrum, and this goes with the faucet concept as well; it’s either all on or all off and when it’s off the ability to do simple things becomes hindered.

During this near month of inability to communicate things I became apathetic in many aspects of my life and I withdrew from many other things than just being able to write. When a major episode happens and the faucet gets closed think of it as a meteor hitting far out into the ocean that creates major waves that will be felt thousands of miles away.

I should explain this more, I should come up with more words to describe the importance of finding that outlet, and ways to cultivate it, but just like that fateful night in 2005 when I discovered to write the words aren’t flowing like I’m accustomed to. It’ll take time to get back to where I was, but today is a start and that’s the key. Things don’t come easy, things require work, and sometimes once you’ve found something you’ll lose it but one most forge onward and learn how to do it again no matter how difficult it may be.

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