Thursday, July 22, 2010

Day 19: Avoidence

How much power is the fear of eye contact? Outside of the C.I.T. training I went to today I was able to avoid all social situations today.

Perhaps I am just tired from the constant "go go go" but I did not want to interact today. This could be eye contact, or it could be the tiredness.

If it is tiredness I want to let everyone know that if I need to be by myself it is something that I truly need. Processing takes a while longer for me and being alone allows me to process all the information I need to without being interrupted.

I can't truly judge what it was today so my findings today are probably not worth all that much. What I can say is something that I will be doing on Saturday. I am getting a new computer for my room and I need to rearrange the room. This is no easy task!

I am looking over my laptop in this room I am in most of the time when I am at home and I am looking at the 2005 Indy 500 program. I placed that program there 5 years ago and it hasn't moved! So, rearranging the room will be a difficult task as I move things and, throw things out. I will have pictures on Saturday and will make it an interesting event. If you are unaware, small items carry a lot of merit in my life so it will be an emotional time.


  1. Cherish your things Aaron. Those small items can fit neatly into a treasure chest. Perfect for those moments when you need to be by yourself and spend some time with your things and your memories and your imagination.

  2. I want to ask Deanna a question, since I'm struggling with a task of having to clean up my room somewhere in the future too.
    What if you have so many cherished things in your room, you can hardly clean it up, for almost everything in my room holds some kind of memory? I know I should probably be strict to myself and see what is more cherished and what less. But this still means I'll have to throw out cherished stuff right? Or am I just collecting too many stuff?

  3. Readers interacting with readers. Very good Aaron. You helping yourself which in turn helps your readers who in turn are helping one another. And raising awareness.

    I think Deanna posted a very great post and Habbo....treasure chests come in all sizes. Your treasure chest can also be the memory within your head. You can throw something out but if the memory of it is still stored in your head than nothing can take that away. YOU are the only keeper of that stuff.

  4. I want to add my suggestion, habbofannies, bc I have been on a mission to declutter my home for a good year now.

    One thing that helps is that I don't "throw away" the things I get rid of. I donate everything to Viatnam Vets or Lupus, who come around to collect bags of your stuff.

    I try to gather one bag a month, yes that's how much unneeded stuff I have. It hasn't been easy, but with each new bag I realize that I don't miss the stuff that's gone. I can have pictures of the more important-less important stuff, and I store in the basement things I am not ready to part with.

    Other things I've taken in person to a local homelessness prevention shelter, mostly clothing. Knowing that there are people who may actually NEED the stuff I'm hoarding has helped me see decluttering as a good deed.

    I've recently tried to categorize the remaining stuff - what do I associate it with, an important person or event in my life? - and then I choose one or two of THE most important items for each category, donating the rest.

    One of my fears is losing everythig in a house fire, so I am trying to compare what I'm doing (selective decluttering) as a way I maintain control over the situation.

  5. Like training for a marathon, individuals with autism have to be trained in various aspects of social communication- from learning the "mechanics" of it, to execution in real life, to doing this for a meaningful length of time.

    There are some instances where it's mind over matter! Again, this is something a lot of individuals with autism need to know! For example, say in my OT conferences, I know at best I will only see some of my OT friends ONLY in that occasion and then I will have to wait for another year or more to see them again (which is very realistic, by the way). I will be on my "afterburners" even though I may already mentally and physically tired!

    Why I am doing that? Well, networking is really important in that context, first and foremost. I may come across someone who may move my career forward! Second, avoiding social contact in that environment can be considered rude... even if people there are generally understanding of autism. Being rude in that setting can undo a lot of the good work I am doing! Third, the frequency I see these people forces me to make my time there count! Forth, now that I know my diagnosis, I see there could be potential advocacy opportunities!

    Look at it another way- there are athletes who come through in the clutch in overtime (or other similar things in sports) and others falter. The reason is that the athletes who performed in these situations are more determined to get the job done despite their fatigue.