Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Renewing My Passion

Yesterday was a rough day. Events such as the one on Sunday usually don't get their full emotional impact until 24-48 hours after the fact. This has always been with me and I don't know if it is part of the autism spectrum, or unique to me, but once again I had that time lag and it was a rough day.

Why was it so rough? I could not let it go/ I could not accept the fact that I froze when I had a chance to change a person's perception of the autism spectrum. I also couldn't believe someone would apologize with such a look of despair on their face.

I had my week planned on my blog and had some interesting articles to write, and I'm sorry to keep this story going, but this has consumed me. This has been the only thing I have been thinking of, and now I can say it is a good thing.

If this event didn't happen I would not be feeling the way I have. For me, it is in these times of sadness that my passion for writing and speaking gets renewed. Someday, I hope, there will be no need for me to do what I do in terms of writing and speaking because the autism spectrum will be fully understood by the world. As much as I hope for this it is going to take a lot of time and a lot of work and perhaps this won't happen in my lifetime, but I'm going to try.

It is an event like the one on Sunday that reminds me that I am unique and that some people may not understand this. I went and read my entry entitled "Defining It" and realized that after this woman's apology I began to let it define me again. I was only as strong as what society would let me be, and being apologized to showed me that what I have must really be bad.

Today will be three days and I know now about this trap I fell into. I can't allow one person's remark to define who I am. I'm sure I will hear remarks like that again and again and it is these remarks that must keep me going. Understanding is the foundation of hope and if people don't understand then needless apologies may happen more often and those who are apologized to may fall into the trap I did of letting it define them.

So, once again, I'm ready for the world. Let's go!


  1. Hi--I'm a new follower. I just wanted to say that I think you did change her perspective on autism. If she was "sorry" that you had autism, it must have eventually occurred to her that you are not who she would have thought of as someone with autism. So you've changed her perspective. And maybe next time she won't say "sorry" to someone she meets.

  2. Stop beating yourself up. We all have those moments where we feel completely insulted but it doesn't completely sink in until later and then we have the argument over and over and over in our heads about what we 'should have' said.

    I am a new follower to your blog. I work with students who are very similar to you.

    Reading your blog helps me to be more understanding about why they do things the way that they do them. It isn't that they are doing the wrong things, they are just doing things differently.

    Thank you for writing this blog.

  3. In my line of work, one regimen I make myself to start each day and each treatment session with a clean slate! I know deep down that I can't let one bad session or one bad treatment affect me for the rest of the day. It's not doing the clients I see the rest of the day any justice of me having a bad day. It's not doing my co-workers any good if I can't keep myself composed in the midst of a bad day. I take the end of each day to unwind and get ready for a new day.

    One advice I would give to such individuals with autism- learn how to be your own mental coach. The reason is- you know yourself well. You know what clicks with you and you know what doesn't. Also, life doesn't stop just because you stumble. So, knowing how to manage yourself when you are in such state is very important.