Monday, September 5, 2011

The Ever Increasing Crushing Pressure

At this very moment I don't know if I have ever felt the way I do now. The past 1.5 months have had a lot of non-stop drama and before I can catch my breath another event occurs. Now, add all this up with the fact that my book will be rereleased in seven months and the end result is one very frazzled person.

How is this effecting me? My emotions are currently erratic and quick to snap. I usually am the least angry person I know, but recently small things have been infuriating me. Honestly, I have never once had any sort of anger towards other drivers on the public road, but the past week or so I have been getting visibly agitated towards other drivers. This has never happened before.

I feel, as each day goes by, as if the pressure and anxiety are increasing. There is so much to get done in regards to my book as well as the hope that I do a nationwide speaking tour next April. Those are huge plans, but nothing is for certain now.

What I am going through now is a clear example of how one issue can create issues on all fronts. Everytime in my life, when something has been weighing on me, I get the same results. The current era at the moment though is more acute than the others.

What's going to happen with this? I don't know, but I hope I can and somehow I hope I cane just forget what needs and could happen. I blogged about this sometime within the past three months and maybe in a few more I'll talk about it again. The bottomline is this isn't enjoyable but it is something that needs to happen. So, if you do talk to me in person, and I seem out of place or less responsive than I normally am, or perhaps I even get a bit snippy, it probably isn't you. With something like this on my mind I will be those things as I'm sure anyone would be to a degree. However, being on the spectrum compounds the matter so the pressure anyone would feel is amplified and again, I may be a bit snippy but it isn't you.


  1. I read a scene in a book called 'The Witches of Karres' in which a part burned out in the spaceship motor. Though the part itself wasn't a big nor a major part, the burning out made a number of other hotspots that had to be taken care of. Your post reminded me that life has to have a balance. When I don't get enough time to decompress from one crisis, I easily get overwhelmed by other crises.

    How do you handle that kind of stress? I meditate.

  2. I know the feeling...
    I have lot's of things to think about, since it's only a few months I've been in government profit and getting coaching towards work. It's a lot to take. Also from that a lot of things I don't know (WILL I find new work? Where will I end up? Can I live from this? Will I be able to afford my own place one day? etc.).
    Also, my joints have been aching a lot lately, up to the point where I've called in sick today and also for the rest of the week. I've had my blood tested yesterday, will find out what it is somewhere around Thursday.
    I hope it's something very treatable and not rheumatism or something... I already have Asperger's and am chronicly fatigued. Enough chronic things already.
    So yea, I'm very snippy towards people too at the moment.
    That's what a lot of things on your mind with big consequenses which are unclear as of yet does to you, especially when on the spectrum. On the spectrum you need to know to a certain degree what's going on and what's going to happen. Only thing is, life doesn't always work that way.
    Just one of the many challenges.

    @Annette I distract myself with other things to think about. Like, I'm really good at organising events and do that as a volunteer for anime/manga (if you want to know what that is: wikipedia knows). So I just ask around, since I have connections in that, if anyone needs help that I can do behind the computer and think about. This keeps my mind occupied with something I like, since it usually involves difficult issues, but within my hobbies.
    If there's no work for me, I go and organise something myself, or I just play a lot of games.
    Everything to push away my worries with other thoughts, until the issue at hand can finally be solved.