Monday, May 14, 2012

The Empty Office

First, if you missed Saturday evening's special post I did do a video blog from my driveway after returning home after the 8,900 mile journey for my autism speaking tour across America.

You might think that after almost 50 straight days on the road that I would be taking a day off but you would be mistaken. Earlier today, right after the crack of dawn, I did a radio interview via the phone and, well, it might have been my worst performance to date. It didn't help that I was unable to go to sleep until 2AM as my mind would quite simply not shut off. Maybe it was because I was in an alien land known as my own bed, or maybe I haven't allowed myself time to decompress, but whatever the case may be trying to sound intelligent is rather hard to do after 3.5 hours of sleep and just 15 minutes of being awake.

So after the first interview I did have room for redemption as I was once again invited on the McGraw in the Morning show on The Big 550 KTRS. I was on a little over a month ago and as I entered the studio McGraw welcomed me and asked me how my tour went. It had just been a month since I was in that studio but it seemed like half a lifetime, but as soon as it was time I was back into my "Alias" mode and it was so weird to hear me introduced as McGraw said, "And back by popular demand, and coming off a nationwide tour..." After that as bad as I was in the early morning I think I gave my best interview to date and once we were off the air McGraw told me, "You are becoming a real pro at this radio thing."

From the studio I headed to the TouchPoint office, which is where I am now, and it is nothing like I remember it. You see, we're in the midst of moving and my office has always been on the 2nd floor and right now I am the only one on this floor.

When I opened the door to the floor it was almost as if you had entered a house you lived in years ago and yet now it is uninhabited. Before I made it to my office I took a slow stroll through the halls. It was, and I can't believe it was this long, 2 years 3 months ago that I first walked into these halls as Community Education Specialist and walking the halls was like living all the memories, meetings, and accomplishments of those years.

I was rather surreal as each office I passed I was expecting to look in and see a person on the phone, or maybe hear a "hello" or maybe, as I passed another door, a conversation on golf. Yet as each door I passed there was simply emptiness.

Change is something I don't handle well. I know, that is an odd thing to say after spending 45 days on the road, but in that experience, since everything changed daily, nothing changed at all. Here though, at the office, everything changed except within the walls of my office.

On my slow stroll I walked passed my office and headed to the corner of where our residential offices were. In all the time I worked here I never actually went into that corner, so I decided that it was better late than never and I looked in, saw another room that was just an empty shell of its former self and then I walked to my office and re-entered the world I knew as my office, like I said, is the same.

My office won't be here much longer. Just like everyone else I will move to somewhere and this building, and this office of mine that I grew so much in, will be lost. Sure, we can say that I grew by myself and this building was just the place that it happened, but having the "associative memory system" like I do it just isn't something that I can say goodbye to without emotion.

This is one of the harder posts I've written as this is like saying goodbye to a close friend. I mean, it was from this chair and desk that this blog was started and probably 3/4ths of all posts have been written from here. Some of my great ideas have come from this room and perhaps today is my final day in here.

So yes, change happens and with time a new place will have the same memories, but for right now I don't see that. I've always been like this as with the close of each school year I would usually break down not because of saying goodbye to everybody but rather because the I figured I never would step foot in that classroom again. And of course, if you didn't read it last year, the same emotions popped up when I said goodbye to my car.

Then there's the loss of my trips to the Taco Bell. I had many blogs inspired by my lunches there, but those will be no more. Of course, wherever I go, there will be a new place, but oh the agony to say goodbye!

This empty office may be a shell of its former self, and I may be sad now, but change happens. Somewhere (I haven't been there) the people I remember are in there offices. Somewhere will be a new place that I will get to know that I sit down and blog about my experiences and from that point people all over the world will read it. Somewhere new memories will be formed, but for now I will mourn the impending close of the scene of the greatest years of my life for the next time I close my office door it could be for the last time.

1 comment:

  1. Seeing I've been following you(r blog) all this time, I feel a little bit of the same loss here too. Not as heavy as you do of course, but still a bit. You've had pictures and video blogs from there and I remember you being happy with your very own office!
    So yes, it's sad seeing it go.
    I wonder how your next office will look like. Be sure to make pictures.