Friday, February 1, 2013

The Final Friday

This is it. This is a major event as today is the final Friday for two major events in my life. For one today is the final Friday that I will be twentysomething. On Monday I turn 30 and I am not handling it all that well.

Late yesterday afternoon I went into my memory chest that has a whole bunch of stuff that I kept, or my parents kept, of my childhood. It was bittersweet doing so and the memories flooded in. I looked over some of the school work that was saved and it was odd to think that, back then, I didn't have my diagnosis. This was an odd thought because, for almost 10 years now, I've known.

I continued looking through the memories and I found a great photo of my cats Siam and Amsterdam as well as a 2nd grade paper about my dog Missy. I still can't believe it's going to be 10 years in June that I lost her.

Where does time go? It seems like just yesterday that my concerns were limited to worrying about fire drills and school lunches. I continued to dig and found an envelope that Linda sent me in 1999. That moment really froze me as I held it. The story of her is in my book and I haven't mentioned her on here since my first year of blogging, but the memories are just as fresh and just as now as any other memory.

It was becoming too much and I quickly put the lid on the chest and put it back in the closet but I didn't leave my room. I mean, 30... 30! I know I asked this before but where does the time go?

I did mention two changes and the reason I was looking through old stuff has to do with the change I've been talking about all week. That change is the fact that I am moving into my own true place. I won't be renting anymore but I will be in a place that is truly mine. I know that's exciting but at the same time I am so sad to leave where I am.

Change is bad. If I didn't have a few better mottoes that would be mine. I don't know the exact day next week that I will have all over but it should be by Friday. That means that the hour of leaving this place gets closer each second and one thing I used to write about but haven't as much recently is that I grow attached to places and things. Environmental changes are very difficult for me because there are so many memories tied to the place itself.

Many of the places that things got set back on the date I moved here are still in that place. Partly because I've actually been out of town more than I have been in town since I moved here, but also because the placement reminds me of that day and the people that were here. Over time more and more stuff has found a place and to move it all, well, it's not just moving an item but it's also like relocating the memories as well.

As for the moving itself I want as little to do with it as possible. The move mentioned in the blog post I linked to was one of the more traumatic days of my life. To box up memories and have them moved was not something I enjoyed and now I have to do the whole ordeal over.

I could write on and on about it and I probably will on Monday as not only do I go through the closing process but I also turn 30. What a way to start the next 30 years of my life, right?

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