Tuesday, April 16, 2013

A Changed World

I... I don't know what to say or how to say it. And, I don't know if I want to say anything or if it is right for me to say anything at all.

Yesterday I flew home. I left Tucson and got to Dallas right around noon. During my one-hour layover I was having some fun chatting with four of my friends in this great Facebook chat. It was truly a good time ribbing Ryan about how great of a driver Jimmie Johnson is. I enjoy this way too much but eventually I had to board the plane and 80 minutes later I landed in Saint Louis.

As soon as the plane touchdowned I turned my phone back on waiting to see what further hijinks had gone on in that chat and what was a good light-hearted chat was filled with, "What's going on in Boston?" I certainly had no idea because I was cut-off from the world while in the air but these words I were reading made no sense.

I quickly went to news media websites and I still couldn't comprehend what I was reading. The emotions slowly crept in and I've been in a state of being lost ever since.

This has been my reaction to events my entire life. And as I said, I don't know if it's right for me to write about such a topic as the events of yesterday, but at the same time, for many people on the spectrum, this is the first event like this in their lives. When events were on the news when I was young I fully understood what was going on. Did I let anyone know? Not really. Did I express my fears? Most of the time the answer was no, but the sense of fear was great.

The sense of fear can grow and grow. Random, senseless events can't be understood but when a mind needs to understand everything there is a great sense of confusion and fear. Even now I'm experiencing this which is why I just don't what to say or how to say it.

I don't know what to do, or what to say, but if you're a parent please just be aware that events like the senseless act yesterday can have a major impact. I wouldn't know what to say, or how to say it, but please be aware that even though, and this applied to myself, I may have acted like I didn't care I was actually deeply sad and terrified of what might happen next.

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