Tuesday, May 20, 2014

A Trunk Full of Memories

I did something I haven't done in, well, since the entire time I've had my current car from when I said goodbye to my previous car back in 2011 as I cleaned my car's trunk. It's amazing how much stuff, besides books and my golf clubs were back there.

Actually, in all honesty, cleaning out my trunk was rather difficult. I've been putting it off for some time now because I knew memories were lurking. When I started to clean I started by consolidating my three boxes of books and DVD's but as I took them out I instantly saw what I was up against; memories.

Memories? What do I mean by that? I've kept an area of my trunk to these various things that have memories tied to them and, well, there were a lot of things. There were many "presenter" name badges from presentations dating all the way back to 2011. There were several cards of thanks, several cards, and many other small trinkets that, to others, may have seemed irrelevant but to myself they mean the world.

Now, why were all these things in my car's trunk if they mean so much? Well, the easiest answer is that's the first place I go when I'm done with a presentation as I open my trunk and put back the box of books, my projector if need be, and if I'm wearing a name tag I take it off and I put it in the secure corner of my trunk with all the others. I think this was half by accident and half by purpose because, as I was cleaning, each name tag and each conference program or flyer I saw reminded me, in absolute videographic detail, the place that I was in and the people I met. This was a severe episode of the "Associative Memory System" and I was overwhelmed to the point of tears.

I make reference to cleaning in my presentations that, "cleaning is something that I may do once every half year" and in this instance it was longer but the problem with cleaning is that in invokes such strong memories because seeing everything that was can be downright overwhelming. Why? To see those name tags, and to hold them, makes me feel as if that moment is now. When I held the tag from a Lutheran Educator's Conference from Las Vegas back in 2012 that I did the day after the SKUSA Supernats it made me feel as if, right then and there, I was back at that moment and all those memories weren't memories but were the present.

I love my memory but at times it is so hard to deal with and I've found that the more people I meet and the more presentations I do the harder it is when an event like this cleaning episode occurs is to deal with. All I can say is, now, that I'm glad the episode is over, but while the trunk may be clean those memories are right where they began. I didn't know what else to do with them but keep them in their rightful spot so, if history repeats itself, be looking for a blog post very similar to this in, oh, about three years.

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