Thursday, March 19, 2015

In The End of Finding Kansas Revisited


            This was a prophetic chapter and I say this in every presentation that I use this concept in. I know I did skip ahead several chapters, but my thoughts on those chapters were just more of the same of material I’ve already covered.

            Anyway, the story I use about not having fuel at the race is something that still holds true at races to this day. Well, not having fuel isn’t an issue as I only flag, but if I asked to go get a certain tool from any given crew I clam up. I can display the flags with vigor and passion, but if you ask me to be put in a position where I need to interact to acquire an item it’s difficult. This is due to “Alias”. I can play a role just fine, but if it’s personal I mat struggle.

            In presentations I state this and say, “If you see me off this stage you may not recognize me.” I don’t know if people believe me when I say this, but for those that have they do believe it. It also had to be confusing to my coworkers when I was worked, or my classmates and teachers when I was in school.

            When I wrote this I never imagined that I’d have a stage alias but un life sometimes we don’t know what we are capable until after the fact and even then sometimes we may wonder how we do the things we do.


In The End

            What a fitting place to end! It was October 14th, 2006 and I was back at where I first thought about my writing journey having relevance. That, and the first time I was in that room I had such a close encounter were death, and here I was over a year later with so many thoughts about who I was, who I am, and who I was going to become.

            I lied in this chapter, though. I said my “Quest” was over but it wasn’t, and still isn’t. I realized halfway around the globe that I was and am capable of love. I realized I was different but everyone is.

            When I finished the final sentence and put the final period on my work I froze. I had achieved what few do. It’s easy to start a book, but to have the follow through and get all the way to the end was an accomplishment. I then cried. I cried unlike I cried for some time because the journey was over (or so I thought). And what a journey it was! I couldn’t have imagined shifting from simply my story to using concepts to describe who I was and why I was. I had questions though; what would become of this work? Would anyone ever read it? Was it any good? And with so many things in my life, like claiming the #1 spot on a racing game, I felt this void. What did I actually achieve? The emotions then quickly went back to hibernation and I didn’t allow myself the thought that someday, someone, somewhere would be able to download my book, or drive to a bookstore and read it. I didn’t allow myself to imagine that I would continue to grow and continue to come up with even more ideas. I didn’t allow myself to think I’d have a blog that has visitors from all around the world. I didn’t allow myself the thought that I’d someday be on a stage giving a presentation and actually making people laugh, cry, and think. I didn’t allow myself the notion that I would ever amount to anything.

            It’s odd that I called this chapter, “In the End” because I thought it was the end but little did I know it was simply the beginning.

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