Thursday, July 16, 2015

The Population of Kansas

It's 2.904,000... But wait, that's not exactly what I'm talking about here. The Kansas I'm talking about is the from the main concept of my book. Instead of having a Capitol like Topeka an individual's Kansas may be dinosaurs or Minecraft or maybe even something such as famous mayors from the state of Idaho. The way I describe Kansas isn't in a geographical sense but rather a metaphorical one and Kansas is an activity or task that we on the autism spectrum may become obsessed with.

I've written about Kansas in more ways than I can remember but I've never talked about the actual population of Kansas.  In my life I do all that I can to be in Kansas because I word it this way; in Kansas things make sense and I feel normal but if I venture to any other state it's as if I'm paralyzed. That being said it's an easy choice to decide where I'd want to live. There's a problem here, however, and that is that the population of Kansas.

Growing up I did all that I could to get everyone interested in my Kansas. This was difficult because what I was interested in no one else my age had any idea what it was that I was talking about. This made me the only person in Kansas and if we are talking about the literal state of Kansas and if just one person lived there that would be a lot of square miles without any life, being, or any other person to interact with. Because of this Kansas can be the greatest yet loneliest place on earth.

What all this does is this; because I can't just make something a Kansas or make a Kansas go away it can become rather depressing to have an interest I want to talk about and have no one else care. To keep the geographical metaphor alive I wonder what it is like in another state and what it is like to interact with others on a shared topic. In looking across the border, though, I know and am convinced that I don't stand a chance surviving in the chaos that is every other state as it doesn't make sense. My facts and my interests in which I have all aspects memorized does make sense and I'm at ease speaking about them but the randomness of other states and all the unwritten social rules which everyone else seems to understand makes no sense.

Kansas is an awesome place, it really is, but it can be a prison of sorts. I can't leave it; I can't simply say that I want to be social and change who I am and what I'm interested in. It doesn't work that way. When I was young there were times others, primarily teachers (speaking about non-family members) that would make the trek to Kansas and I remember like it was right this second the elation and joy I had when I knew I wasn't alone. Often times I'll feel alone in a crowd because I know that, even though a few feet may separate myself and another person the actual distance is that of Kansas to Maine. Sure, one could make the trip that far but few do. For as awesome as Kansas is it can also be the loneliest place on the planet and I'll be waiting there, patiently, awaiting that moment when someone crosses the border and I get that rare feeling if normality.

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