Annoying the Nephew

For the longest of times I was the world's worst uncle. This was due to the fact that I was in such a bad place emotionally that I really didn't have any ability to, well, care. Times have changed, I'm in a better place, and now I firmly believe it is the uncle's responsibility to annoy their nephew. Of course, this has to be done in a tasteful and hilarious way and oh, my poor 13 year old nephew.

I'm currently in Indy for the Indy 500 and the various other events that precede it such as the USAC Traxxas Silver Crown series race this evening at the Indiana State Fairgrounds where I will be the assistant starter (mother nature better play nice!) so I am at my sister's house. Yesterday evening I ordered a pizza and was going to have it delivered but my sister convinced me that I should drive and get it seeing that it is just two minutes away. I, at first, said I was tired, or something to that effect, to which my sister debated and I had no logic to counteract her points so I got my shoes on and went. My nephew also wanted to come so into the car we went and we made the short drive to the Pizza Hut.

This Pizza Hut is different as it has a drive-thru. As we pulled in I heard the CD I had playing which was a collection of TV Game Show themes. Since this was playing I figured I could have a little fun, and totally embarrass my nephew at the same time. Win-win!

I switched the track to an up-tempo theme which was from "The Joker's Wild" (listen to a modern day version of it HERE)  and, compared to today's music, it's different. I turned it up, put it on repeat, and finally when the door opened and the worker said hello my nephew couldn't contain himself. I think he was on the verge of tears due to laughing so hard which I don't know if he was laughing at me, at the situation, or at the absurdity of it all, but there was certainly a noticeable change in the drive-thru worker when he heard such an odd song being played.

After paying for the pizza he said it would be two minutes so I hustled to change songs. I had one chance to play the oddest piece of music one would hear from a car so I got my iPhone radio adapter plugged in and proceeded to play The Price is Right Cliffhangers Theme. Honestly, if you were beside any car anywhere I firmly believe that is the last song you'd ever expect to hear.

My nephew, as I cranked up this song, looked at me as if I had sunk to a new level; and perhaps I had. He then stared out the window trying everything he could to actively ignore the situation but it was no use as when there is yodeling going on normality just isn't easily found.

The window slid open and as the pizza box was handed to me a look of utter perplexity came across the worker's face. I'm usually not the best judge of facial expressions but even I could see that this person knew the song but couldn't place it. At this point in time I started laughing and grabbed the box and drove off before I started truly laughing. Not too many people have seen this, but when I find something funny I don't just laugh but rather I laugh to the point of pulling muscles and losing the ability to breathe. I got to that point on this one.

So that was my trip to Pizza Hut yesterday. It's a trip my nephew isn't going to forget for some time and I can't wait for the next misadventure I can put him through. I don't think he'll ever admit it but I think he secretly enjoys these rather odd encounters.

"Why Are You Here"

First, let me say that writing is becoming increasingly difficult. I have a couple of thoughts as to why this is. The first is that I am so busy that my mind is not having time to think. My concepts I've created and most of my blog posts are created in the subconscious and I don't put effort into creating the work. Already this year I'm up to over 65 days on the road so perhaps this is a cause.

Another potential cause is that I've become a master and controlling my surroundings and becoming more apt at handling situations which are outside my comfort zone. What does this mean? The first part is that I've become a master at avoiding uncomfortable situations. Also, since I'm always traveling, I've become decent at the whole "live life on the road" routine. The second part is that I think I've grown by an unmeasurable amount the past 13 months or so, and maybe just in the past three months. What used to be a major episode is now just a part of life. Just five days ago I had a conversation with someone wondering, "Do I actually have Asperger's?" and this is a common question I ask when there haven't been any reminders. Remember, Asperger's roots itself socially and if one isn't in social situations how could one be reminded of it? That reminder happened yesterday.

I went to the doctor's office yesterday and this was my first time visiting one outside of the ER or urgent care in a very long time. Also, this was my first time visiting a new doctor by myself so I approached the sign in sheet very timidly and I signed it and right away the lady behind the counter told me that she could sign me in.

The process began and she got out sheet after sheet after sheet of paperwork and I felt as if I had just gone back to school after missing a couple days and I was being given all my assignments. Then she said that she had to confirm some information and she started to talk but then a lady came up to sign in. The office worker then stopped talking but the lady signing in stood still and didn't move and so too the office worker didn't speak to me. Eventually the worker who was signing me in said, "Do you need help" to which the lady beside me responded, "Oh, no. I just wanted to stand here."

Several awkward seconds passed as I was staring at the soon to be worked on papers that would ask me more health information than I would know and eventually the lady that came up left and the office worker said, "I can't speak to you when another person is up here due to privacy rules." and as luck would have it another person came up making the conversation a jerky one of stop and go.

During this conversation, or at least when it was going, I was very agreeable. I wanted it over as fast as possible and I wanted to get that paperwork done as quickly as possible. I got my chance to start working on it, but just as I did I was called into the back and some quick vitals were taken and into the room I went. I sat down and was asked, "Why are you here today?" Simple enough question, right?

What seemed to be the easiest question quickly turned into a state of panic. I had a moment of, "I think therefore you should know" so I, at first, got mad that she asked this question because she should have already known because I knew. This took some processing time and I glanced over and saw the unfinished paperwork looming and I looked back to her and my mind was blank; I tried to talk but nothing happened. I wanted to say something, anything, but I kept shaking my head as if to say, "I know what I want to say but my body and mind just aren't playing well together right now."

I don't think I showed it on the outside but on the inside I was crying. I knew it was a simple question and I knew the answer... and that's the kicker! I knew I knew the answer but still I didn't know how to respond to her.

Thirty seconds had passed and I still was spinning my wheels going no where and she said, "Are you new here?" to which now I was trying to answer two questions and I still knew why I had gone to the first place and then I glanced back over at all those new patient documents I had to fill out and I just about took out my copay money and left. I tell you, I have never been closer in my life to just giving up and leaving without saying a word than I was right then and there. It was all too much.

She then asked a third question, "so since you are new here is this an initial visit then?" and quickly I responded with, "Yes, I think. Something like that. Yes, um, yeah." and that was that. She left, doctor came in, and in the end I don't think those papers got filled out 100%, but all in all this was a reminder that Asperger's is there. I've become rather good at avoiding situations like that, but once it presented itself I locked up. And what makes locking worse is when I'm aware it is happening because then I try to "think harder" and nothing good comes from that and the end situation is that which happened. Thankfully now I do have a doctor I can go see, but I wonder this; the next time I go will I have to fill out all that paperwork I left unfinished?

Video of The Best Day Ever

This video is from last Monday at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway and is of myself being the honorary starter for practice.

Answering the Caller

Going back to the radio show on Tuesday I did on WWKI I had a caller call in with a question regarding her son and the ability to talk to the doctor one-on-one and the inability to socialize in a school setting. I gave an answer, but I don't think I gave the perfect answer so I'm going to take this blog post and give a proper answer.

First, this is something that I have struggled with as well. If anyone ever gets me into a one-on-one conversation I usually am rather able at having the conversation without issues. Should another person join the conversation the issues will mount as I have a harder time being able to process all that is going on. Should yet another person join I will become almost unable to chime in with any of my thoughts and anything more than three people in a conversation and I will have a hard time uttering a single word. Since this is true a one-on-one conversation with a doctor is easy where as anything in the school setting would be much trickier.

Also, speaking to a doctor is a much narrow range of communication. What I mean by that is that a conversation with a doctor is usually going to be just heavy in facts. On top of that, after a while, the conversations can become a routine. A doctor may ask the same questions so it becomes almost scripted. In a school/group setting this is harder to achieve with the range of conversation being much greater and a routine much harder to achieve.

Yet another aspect is timing. This is one thing I still struggle with and timing is so critical. What timing is, by my definition, is the timing of when to speak. When talking to a doctor the doctor will speak, ask a question, and wait for a response. The doctor may also give ample time for processing. Others though, especially in a group setting, will have a much more fluid and ever changing conversation. To speak, one must be somewhat aggressive in getting their words out much like trying to navigate a busy four-way stop situation where drivers aren't really obeying the protocols. I will wait for that right moment when no one is speaking, but each time I get ready to speak someone else beats me to it.

All in all these issues can be rather confusing for a doctor because, should the doctor only get the story from what they are seeing in front of them right then and there, it may be hard for the doctor to get the complete picture. Let's take myself at a young age; I could talk to the doctor just fine. I could talk about the weather, or body temperature, and I was ahead of my years. Why would the doctor think there was anything wrong? This is a rather common story! I'm not sure what future book I have this in, but I do call it a "problem with Kansas" as, if a person only sees us in Kansas then it will be practically impossible for that person to think of us as having any challenges at all.

I hope I answered this better than I did on the air. Perhaps my answer was decent on the air, but I feel this is a much better painter picture than what I gave on Tuesday.

Radio: Then and Now

On Tuesday I was in Kokomo, Indiana and was once again on WWKI's morning show, "Male Call." (You can listen to the broadcast by finding May 14th on their podcast page) I was originally on that show in April of 2012 while on my nationwide tour and it is amazing the difference a year can make.

Last year I was beyond nervous as I got to the studio and when the show started the only thing I could think of was, "don't say the wrong thing... don't say the wrong thing." I believe the end result on the air was fine, but the internal anxiety I felt was great.

Having the experience I had last year I felt much more comfortable than I did the year prior; I wasn't shaking, I didn't feel ill to my stomach, and the nerves weren't causing me to yawn every 15 seconds leading up to being on the air.

With not being so nervous I actually enjoyed the lead up to being on the air and once the program began I felt much more at ease. I wish there were an easy way to compare the two, but I know, from where I sat, it was much better.

On my drive home on Tuesday, and my drive to and from Shelbina, Missouri yesterday (by the way, the students at South Shelby Middle School were AWESOME!) I thought about the interviews, then and now, and there's much more to this than just having done it once.

Yes, there's more to this than meets the eye and what I mean by that is that I've been doing a lot of things that aren't usually what I do. I've tried many new foods this year and I'm feeling more and more confident presenting. Is it the confidence in presenting that has bubbled over into other aspects of my life? Is it the confidence from traveling as much as I have and being much more sufficient in doing things on my own? Perhaps a combination?

Whatever is going on I can feel the growth in the past year. I know if I have practice, or have done something once it is easier the 2nd time, but the difference in the way I felt at WWKI on Tuesday is much more than just having a little bit more experience.

As for now I will continue to wonder about what the difference is and I will have my time to think about it as I have a presentation in a bit then a 5 hour drive to Nashville for a USAC .25 Generation Next series race. Over 200 cars are registered and it should be a great weekend (or in the least I hope it goes better for me than it did last year!)

My Indy Experience

Throwing the green yesterday was the biggest honor of my life! I hope to have a video of it sometime this week, but here is a photo that Chris Jones of Indianapolis Motor Speedway took. Also, IMS wrote a story about me and it can be read at http://www.indianapolismotorspeedway.com/redbullgp/news/show/52156-aspiring-flagman-lives-his-dream-at-ims-raises-autism-awareness/

"Are you that boy that waives that flag on that rock?" The Story of My First Flagstand

After you watch this and you want the story of the flag click the video within this post.




And here is the link for the live video of practice http://www.livestream.com/indycar The start time is noon US Central time. I'd think the stream would be up beforehand.

The Green Flag of Flagging

I have been super excited this week for this upcoming Monday when I am the honorary starter for the day of practice for the Indy 500. I've been thinking about what to write over and over and the only thing I can think of was what I wrote back in 2010. This was originally part of part 1 of my "Schumi and me" blogs, but I felt it right to run it again.

 

Also, another quick note. Yesterday as I drove home from my SEMO tour I drove past the 2nd track that I flagged at here in Saint Louis and I thought back to Frankie, who is mentioned in the blog, and I was so thankful for the chance he gave me to be his assistant... Well, I'll add more at the end...  

 

My love of flags started early. I grew up in Indianapolis in a home that was just over a mile from the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. My dad was a pastor in Indy so going to the Indianapolis 500 was out of the question since Sundays were his primary work day.

My grandmother in Oklahoma City would always tape the race for me in and then send me the tape seeing that the race used to be on a long blackout in the Indy market. My first memory of the race was watching the 1987 race on tape. While most kids probably would want to watch the entire race, I kept watching the start over and over and over again. I think this could be one of the earliest signs that I remember that was a warning sign that I was on the autism spectrum.

But, why you ask, would I watch the start over and over again? It had nothing to do with the speed and danger of 33 colorful Indycars lined up in 11 rows of 3 all vying for position on the start. Nope. What I wanted to see was Duane Sweeney's twin green flags he waived to signify the start of he race.

I think it was a sensory thing and I loved it. I became obsessed with all things "flags." The colors moving about in the air was nothing short of bliss. Don't get me wrong, I loved the actual race, but I truly believe the initial hook for me was the flags.

In 1988 my dad took me to one of the many practice days at the Speedway and bought me a small souvenir checkered flag. I stood on the infield grandstand and waived that flag for the entire time I was there. I imagined what it must be like to be the actual flagman; the perfection needed and, of course, the grip (dropping a flag, I understood, was quite frowned upon!).

My dad's church was near the track, and I guess attendance was usually low on that magnificent weekend, but in 1989 I went to my first 500, and it was one of the biggest disappointments of my life. My favorite driver at the time was Al Unser Jr. and he and Emerson Fittipaldi got into a wreck that sent Jr. into the wall and Fittipaldi won the race. As mad as that made me it was not the reason I was disappointed. What made me mad was that we sat at the entry to turn two and I could not see the flagman.

Later in 89 my dad bought me my first real set of flags. They weren't big, and the sticks were fragile, but they were perfect for a six-year old. Those flags and I could not be separated on race days (or any other day for that matter) because I would flag along from home. My goal was to emulate the flagman that was actually at the race and it took some time and practice, but I became good at emulating the flagman, as well as hitting people with my flags as they walked by me. I couldn't help it, if the yellow flag needed to be waived, it had to be waived. (sorry mom!)

One of the biggest events in my life happened in 1990. Like I said, I loved the start of the Indy 500 because of the twin greens waived by Duane Sweeney. While Al Unser Jr. was my favorite driver, he wasn't my favorite part of the 500 as that title fell to Mr. Sweeney. My dad had a member of his congregation, Joan Petrie, who worked at USAC (the former sanctioning body of the Indy 500) and he asked he if she could get Duane's autograph for me.

On Thanksgiving morning she called my dad and said for him to, "Come over right away!" My dad thought it was an emergency so he rushed over and while it wasn't an emergency, it was major. She gave my dad an autographed picture of Duane (much like the photo to the right. This one wasn't the one I received, but it was the same photo. Change "John" to "Erin" and it would be the one I got) and then she said, "Wait a sec pastor, I have one more thing.

I wish I would have been there for that line of "one more thing" because I have heard my dad recount the story at least 1,001 times, but what happened next set me on a course for flagging stardom (if there is such a thing). Yes, what happened next was she turned the corner and got an item, came back into the room and gave my dad this:

This just wasn't a souvenir flag, or a set bought at the Speedway Museum. This was the real deal, his personal checkered flag. His wife made all his flags and when Duane heard about me wanting his autograph because I was a "BIG fan" he told her he was giving me this flag. She said she didn't want to make another one, but he insisted because, "He didn't have many fans." Since I received this flag I've only let winners of the race, and other key figures such as Donald Davidson, the track historian, who truly has one of the best memories on the planet!

In 1993 we moved to Saint Louis and in 1995 I started racing go-karts at the Saint Louis Karting Association. The story of my first race is recounted perfectly in my book so I won't talk about that, but what I will talk about is that I instantly hated the grease of racing. I have a minor sensory issue with dirt and grime on my hands and, sadly, engines don't change their own oil.

I suffered through half a year of oil and late in the season the club flagman at the time, Frankie, was getting old and some of the flags displayed did not match the situation. A 12 lap race once was 7, and instead of the checkered flag once the race ended on a blue (that means a faster kart is about to lap you). Seizing the chance I volunteered myself to be the assistant and keep track of the laps and hand Frankie the correct flag.

I was always older than my age so no one thought twice of me, a 12 year old, being be put into that position. By the following year the club's race director gave me the headset (we had a limited quantity) and you can see this in the picture. This is me and Frankie in one of the many breaks during the day and I must have been through with my races because my suit is no longer on. My race day was busy because when it was time for my race I would rush across the track to get my helmet and gloves on, and after my race I would rush back. I was a truly dedicated youngster!

On a scorching summer day in early August of 1996 the club told Frankie we "weren't racing due to heat" because of the troubles he had been having. They asked if I was ready to be the sole flagman. I had been ready since I first saw Duane Sweeney waive those twin flags back in 1987!

That first race was one of the biggest honors of my life. I knew that most places would not let a 13 year old flag a race. The responsibilities are great and there is no room for error. Mistakes can cause an accident, an injury and all movements must be precise. I was not yet diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, but my mind loves the art of perfection and that first race went smoothly.

The following race I went back to my role as assistant and I was a little down. Frankie, not knowing I had already flagged a race weekend, asked me if I wanted to trade off races. He would do one, then I would do the other. He thought I was ready, and I took this as a sign that he was ready to step down. I think he was 80 years old and had been flagging races pre WW2!

He didn't step down and was eventually forced into retirement in the middle of the 97 season. At that time, at the age of 14, I was named chief started of the Saint Louis Karting Association and I held that position until 2008!

I am grateful I had flagging. When I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome in 2003 I went into a state of isolation. The only thing I really had was looking forward to the Sunday's that had a race. I had quit racing karts a couple months before I was diagnosed because it looked like I was going to make it as a professional driver. That never happened, but I had the flagging and I don't know where I would be without it.

In the original post I continued on and this was the building block to me becoming the flagman of the world's largest karting event, The SKUSA SuperNationals. However, thinking back to Frankie he could have said no to me as his assistant. The experience working with him has set everything in motion just like the flag Mr. Sweeney gave me. One thing about Frankie, I never knew his last name and don't know what became of him. This saddens me today because on that first day that I wore a headset and became part of a staff at a race track I could never have imagined I'd make it to the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. Yes, I know this is just an honorary position and it's just one flag, but this one moment has been 23 years in the making and come Monday I can assure you that it will be one of the best moments of my life. It's going to be hard to hold back the emotions as this one, singular green flag is much more than that; it's a tribute to Duane Sweeney, to Frankie, to SKUSA, to USAC, and to each and every person and organization that has given me a chance in my life.

A Puzzling Statement

I had another two presentations at schools yesterday and I've noticed there's a statement I make that always gets many different reactions. For those that just see me in a presentation it is probably quite puzzling as I say, "Outside this realm of a presentation I am one of the shyest, quietest, most reserved individuals you will ever come across."

There are many reactions to that line. One of them is a look of one who is skeptical. And who can blame them? I can present with a profound confidence and am 100% comfortable in the skin I'm in and yet I tell them at the same time I'm everything but that. The second look is a sense of trying to understand what I just said. The third is my favorite; a small smile. It may be a small smile but it is an important one for sure. I make the point of saying that when I was in school I was the worst public speaker in the world and yet, here I am today. That smile tells me something big and that is there's a droplet of hope that has been churned.

Of course, I could be wrong about all of this because I am not the best at determining what facial expressions mean, but I feel I might just be right about the reaction to my puzzling statement.