"People on the autism spectrum are aloof to social situations" is a common thing stated. I know I am often oblivious to such things. However, to one thing I'm often overly in tune with is the heightening tensions between two people that has nothing to do with me. There's this overly sensitive warning system in my body that doesn't take much to get activated, and when it does there's usually something bad about to go down, as I witnessed yesterday leaving my hotel.
Yesterday was awful. My flight got delayed so the only way I could make it home was to rent a car and drive from Houston to Saint Louis. As I was awaiting my Uber to take me to the rental car place, a lady was checking out of the hotel. She mentioned to the guy at the front desk that there were charges on her room she did not recognize. Instead of inquiring, the man instantly became combative and defensive. I braced for the worst.
The woman didn't appreciate the attitude, naturally, and called him out. The man triple downed on the attitude and told her that she didn't run the hotel. She somehow regained composure and said, "I'd like to discuss where these charges came from." The man then said, "You'll have to talk to the manager." She replied, "When can I do that?" and he responded, "Not today." The volcano, I was sure, was about to erupt.
She just wanted to know when, so she asked that question and the response was one of an belittling beratement. He took offense to this and said, "You have no right to talk to me like that dummy." She heard this as she was walking out in anger and she turned around and said, "You don't have any right to talk to me like that." and he then responded with vulgarity and misogynistic words. I was in a state of shock.
I don't understand situations like this. I don't understand cruelty by either physical or verbal abuse. To witness this spat of hate for no reason confused me, and made me want to withdraw from society completely. If it happened here, it could happen anywhere at any time and I feel sick when witnessing this, so why would I want to subject myself to the possibility of an event like this occurring? Sadly, the situation wasn't over.
About a minute later the man's husband came into the lobby and yelled, "No man is going to speak to my wife like that!" The worker had left the front desk and was now watching TikTok videos on a couch in the sitting area. I could see the man, but the husband could not as he was around the corner from him. The husband made eye contact with me in a way that spoke, "Where the !#$@ is he?" I froze, and yet I felt like I had to respond because the worker was in the wrong. I did the worst clandestine nod with my head and eyes and had to do it three times before the husband understood where he was.
The husband rounded the corner and pointed at the worker. "You have no right!" I panicked now as I could not calculate to what level this could escalate. With my nodding, I was now a party to the event, or at least I felt that way, and as the husband neared the man the wife came in and said, "Honey, it's not worth it. Let's leave and leave a 1 star review." The hotel worker thought this was hilarious and said some more vulgar words which led the husband and wife to realize that, perhaps, something more was going on with the man and it simply wasn't worth the oxygen to argue. So they left, and the man went back to TikTok.
The next twelve hours saw me driving home, and I couldn't quit thinking about this incident. I get the rivalries that can occur on a racetrack or sporting event; the heat of the battle spats and such. But this? What was this? Why this sudden and explosive situation?
I fear events like this. This is the reason I fear the random social event. Any unknown social encounter, in my brain, could end up like this. I need to know a person before I can interact. Yes, I understand that most people never will behave like this worker did in their entire life. However, when I'm in the middle of the encounter and it's me in the middle and not being an observer, I'm socially blind to the possible upping of tensions. I've learned I may say the wrong thing, which can lead to tensions, so I've learned the best policy is to avoid the random social encounter at all costs.
It's a survival instinct, I'm sure. When walking in public, and if you ever see me in an open situation where I'm not working a race or presenting, watch for it. Eye contact is avoided, and I move in a room as if everyone has a magnetic field that repels me. Truly, the feeling in my bones is of such that, if I don't do this, I may not make it out of the situation in one-piece.
It's not easy living like this. I have no idea how others live without this constant barometer in their body, watching and waiting for the next eruption. And when it does occur, I have no idea how others move on so quickly. It's been 26 hours, and I'm still puzzled, befuddled, and perplexed as to why people can be so cruel and mean. I don't get it, perhaps never will, but for the time frame in the near future I will be extra-vigilant on the next occurrence of random anger.
Thank you for another graphic and moving description of a situation that is upsetting and unsettling. It is so difficult to hear such meanness and disrespect, and certainly understandable that the feelings remain long after the witnessing of the behavior. Your kindness of spirit makes it unfathomable for you to understand people treating others in this way. I hope sharing your thoughts and feelings, and knowing that others feel the same way that you do, can alleviate the angst in some small way.
ReplyDeleteWow, this had to have been so stressful. As an empath, I would have been upset for the woman being charged for things she didn't ask for and not being respected enough to get an honest answer. I can understand your position entirely and I think it was brave of you to try to help the man defending his wife in a subtle way. I am not sure what I would have done. I can't understand why the desk clerk acted this way.
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