Tuesday, July 4, 2023

Finding Kansas Revisited: Desire

Finding Kansas Revisited continues today with the look at the short chapter of Desire:

It was 3AM when I wrote this chapter. I had just returned home from a drive as I wanted to feel something, anything, other than what was festering in my soul. I had driven to downtown Saint Louis and drove along the river front. The feeling of isolation didn't go away as there was no other one about on this night which led me to think, "is anyone experiencing anything like me? Am I alone? Will I always be alone?"

As the Mississippi River silently flowed by, and I became transfixed on the lights of downtown reflecting on the surface, I thought to my writing journey up to that point. What was I doing? Would it be worth it? Would anyone ever read my words? 

I drove home in a state of reflection and wanted to capture the essence of my existence. While yes, I have a gigantic fear about being alone, the bigger picture is of a world view. Would I be alone? What is freedom? There are a couple sentences in this chapter that is the start of the wonderment on, "would anyone read this?" 

Was I writing a book? I wondered if I were and that's the first time I thought about it. That's why the end sentence states that, if just one person understands, that may just set me free.

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