Friday, May 20, 2022

The Struggle of Visible Ends

When I started writing Finding Kansas I had no intentions of writing a book. There was no visible destination and I was writing for the sake of writing without a defined end point. I’m currently working on a book chronicling all the adventures and misadventures getting to Indycar, and I’ve had the worst writer’s block in the world. 

This isn’t anything new for me. When I was in school, I struggled anytime I missed a couple days (which was frequent) and I had a back log of work to do. Seeing all the work that had to be done made it seem impossible that I would ever make it to completion.

Writing this current book has been so much fun. My strength is in storytelling and that book is one amazing story after another, and it’s written in chronological order and I’ve made it to 1999, but now I’m seeing the entire rest of the product at once. I’m seeing the stories I need to tell to build upon things already written and instead of seeing one word at a time, I’m trying to complete 70,000 words all at once. 

This has always been one of the more aggravating things I’ve experienced being on the autism spectrum. There is the ability to hyper-focus and get things done at a fast clip, but if an entire journey is seen at once it will appear as if the task at hand is so daunting that it isn’t even worth starting. 

I know the trip is worth it. I know the journey will be amazing, but if a book were a transcontinental trip I’m already worrying about the plains of Kansas before I’ve ever left New York City. 

I’ll get rolling again, sometime, because this story has to be told. When I get the motivation I hope I don’t quickly burnout on seeing everything at once instead of taking it one step at a time. 

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