Wednesday, November 30, 2022

The Logic of No

If you know an Aspie I’m sure you’ve come across this. Let’s say you have a great idea, you offer it up, and the response without hesitation is a resounding “no”. What gives? It’s more complex than you’d think. 

Why was the answer no? You gave a great idea, the payoff at the end is much better than the current situation and yet the answer was no. For myself, the reasons of no are a bit layered so let’s start with the surface. 

So often, something new will require something socially and because social situations are difficult, I’m not looking at the payoff down the road but rather I’m seeing that, to go with this change, I’m going to have to speak to someone now. This doesn’t even allow me to process if the change is good, but instead I just see that an unplanned social situation will occur therefore the answer will be no without further thought. 

If there isn’t a social situation that’ll have to occur the answer will still be a no off the bat because new ideas bring change. Change brings unwanted processing and unwanted processing brings unwanted feelings and exhaustion. So again, I’m going to say no without even getting to the point of understanding that the change may actually be extremely good. 

Processing is the underlying challenge here. It isn’t that I thought your idea was bad, wrong, or silly, but instead it’s a challenge of my own to avoid the added social factor or the processing factor. You may need to take a logical stance and explain why it’s good. “Because I think so” won’t be effective, but use logic to explain the payoff. Why is this way better than the way it’s been? I don’t like change so that adds to the instant no response, but understanding the reason of the no is key to avoid feelings getting frayed. Remember, the No isn’t a put down of your idea, but rather all the things that’ll come from the change. 

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