Actors

I just finished watching a series that had an actor that played one of the most convincing, and chilling bad guys I've ever seen. Each scene he was in became a canvas for his acting skills to shine on. There's a big thing I learned though, and I wrote it in the last sentence... "acting skills".

When I finished the series, I looked up some interviews from crew and cast, and the baddie actor was interviewed. Watching it, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Gone were the smooth, seamless moves. Gone were the confidence and the aura of being in complete control. It was all replaced with a rather meek man who was... human.

I wish I would've understood this at a younger age. Perhaps anyone that watched this series would've come to the same conclusion of this man's confidence in life because he's an awesome actor. What he portrayed on the screen wasn't who he was at all (thank goodness, actually) but he was doing what the script said. How does this fit into my blog? It's because of all the actors and actresses out there... everyone.

Growing up, and even up until a few years ago, I was envious of what everyone else had. It seemed everyone had the confidence of that actor in that show. Everyone else seemed to glide through the day seamlessly and without effort while I would be uncomfortable in my own skin having no idea how my posture should look or what direction my arms and hands should have. Day-after-day of seeing everyone else's perfection takes a toll, but I do wish I could've seen a situation like that actor's interview earlier in my life because what one sees probably isn't 100% reality.

There are probably some people out there that do ooze confidence and are in complete control in every situation they're in, but not many. Most have doubts, fears, and trepidations but are great actors in concealing them. What is seen may not be reality. Most of the world had me convinced that I was so much lesser than who I actually am because of this imagined, acted world. How could I compete with perfection? What's the motivation to compete against perfection? 

The world had me sold. I believed the actors. It's not like this, however, and yes, those that don't have Asperger's may have faster processing when things go awry, but if I relayed how many neurotypical individuals mentioned the anxieties I mention in my presentation are emotions they have, well, if I tried to relay it, it would be months and months of blog posts.

 If you would've told me all this two decade ago, I'm not sure I'd have believed you. With that said, if at a presentation and this subject comes up, I'm not sure how to convey this fully to convince someone that the world isn't perfect and people project what they want the world to see. What's the saying? All the world's a stage? And from my interactions, there are millions and billions of award-winning actors out there that ooze the confidence I'm envious of, but the world is indeed a stage and they're concealing the fears I face head-on.