“You Should Smile!”

This seemed to happen to me more often in the past, but recently it happened again and is so frustrating on several fronts. 

So anyway, it was early in the morning and I arrived at a place with a couple other people. As we got out of the car, a person working at the location greeted us with the two people I drove leading the way. He mentioned the great weather and the two person’s smile, but when he saw me he frowned and said, “they’re smiling, why aren’t you smiling? You should smile!” 

Crushed. That’s all I can say. Crushed. It’s a jarring experience when my social shortcomings are so bluntly seen and even more bluntly commented on. It was morning, I’m not a morning person, and even more importantly, if I have nothing to smile about I won’t be smiling. 

It takes so much effort to attempt to blend in. My facial expression feels natural being flat and expressionless. People used to mention that I looked sad, solemn, or serious and I might’ve or might not have been. However, I can only fake a smile for so long. I can’t simply smile to smile and when it is brought up like it was, well, the look of sad will be real. 

For the rest of the day I was thinking about that morning encounter. I started second guessing my facial expression and this seeped into myself question the words I was speaking. As soon as I start second-guessing my existence like this, more and more mistakes can take place, or my ability to fake it diminishes greatly. 

I’ve often wondered why others have to comment on the lack of a smile. Why do I have to be happy? Is it out of concern for me because if so, their concern eliminates the ability for an organic smile. Does it make them uncomfortable? Or is it that they just want me to smile? So often, the people that tell me this are people I don’t know personally. Those that know me know that, when I’m happy, I can’t hide that fact. If I’m not happy, I won’t be faking looking like I’m happy. So why then must I appease others with a social pleasantry that is fake. I don’t get it, but I fear the next time this will happen when I realize I’m not the expert chameleon I think I am.