Last week I turned 40 and on that day I thought, “wouldn’t
it be great if I could tell my 10-year old self all the info I know now?” That
led to thinking it would make a great blog so here we go, here are the 40 things
I’d tell my younger self…
40. Don’t bite off more than you can chew: It’s easy
to think that you can be Superman but committing to large things before
thinking it through can lead to difficult projects. For example, coming up with
40 things right now.
39. It’s okay to be good at something: It can be
difficult to be good, or exceptional, at something. It can truly be
discouraging to feel isolated because something comes easily. However, you must
understand that it’s okay to be good, and whatever topic, subject, or activity is
something that you enjoy, and are good at, should be something to investigate
if it could lead to a career.
38. It’s okay to be bad at something: If can be
difficult to be painfully bad at something. You mustn’t allow this to become
your identity though. As much as you’ll want, you won’t make a good hockey
goalie and you won’t be the next gold medalist at the alpine downhill. Sports
dreams aside, it can be bewildering that some things may come easily, and yet
other things that come naturally to others will be a challenge.
37. Those normal people? They don’t have it all: You’re
going to chase normal in the future. You’re even going to understand it, but
you’re still going to do it. You’re going to chase what you perceive others
have, but no one has it all. When you chase the myth of normal, you’re going to
forget who you are and what makes you special, but as painful as these moments
are, you will make it out the other side.
36. It’s okay to ask for help: Maybe I should tell my
current self this as this is a challenge. However, wouldn’t it be better to ask
for help now, than to make a mistake and have to fix it later?
35. Others may not know you need help: Why is it hard
to ask for help? You don’t understand this now, but others don’t know what you
need by pure chance. This leads us to #34.
34. You will understand the difficulty of “I think
therefore you should know”: Later in life, you’ll say this is one of the
five most important topics the world has to understand about autism, but for
you it won’t come naturally. Just because you think something or know something
doesn’t mean everyone else does. If something is bothering you and you don’t
say something, the other person won’t know it even if you think they do.
33. It isn’t if you win or lose the game, it’s that you’re
playing the game: Games are amazing, and at the age of 10, you’ll think
winning is everything. You’re going to love the cutthroat ways of Monopoly and
Risk, and there will be an extreme frustration when victory isn’t achieved, but
eventually you’ll realize that the joy wasn’t in the victory, it was sharing a
game and thought with other people.
32. It’s okay to be late: You’re going to struggle
with this. You’re going to show up 30 minutes early to everything, but this may
not be how others live, and that’s okay. You’re going to have two choices;
worry about the timing of others and check the clock every 30 seconds, or
accept that the world doesn’t have the fear of being late as you do and live
with it. When smartphones are made, this will become easier.
31. Even when you’re right, you can be wrong: This is
as involuntary of a reflex as breathing, but people will get annoyed when you correct
them or facts they mess up. You may not be able to stop, but they too may not
be able to stop with getting mad.
30. Real friends are blessing so stay in touch: If
someone, “gets you” it’ll be good to stay in touch. It sucks to think, “whatever
happened to…” 10 years after talking to them last.
29: Yes, people will get you: You’re going to spend
many years wondering this, and at the darkest bits of night when you think this
you’re going to think that it’s impossible. This is when #37 will come into
play, and you’ll dream and chase normal, but as you get on the other side of
this you’ll learn the importance of the next point.
28: Whatever is now is forever: This is joy, and it
is pain. When things are good, they will feel as if they’ve always been, but
when they are bad it will be inconceivable that they can ever be good again.
Pro tip: things can always get better.
27: Whatever happens first always has to happen: You
don’t fully understand it, but you’re going to live for routines. This statement,
which will be a top 5 statement you’ll say everyone will need to know, is
important for you to understand because if something that bothers you happens,
and happens again, you may become mired to an unwanted routine. Know this,
understand it, and when need be fight it.
26: You can’t please everyone: Others will think you’ll
want to please everyone for the sake of it, but your true motive is that, if
everyone is happy, you can avoid unwanted social situations. Those situations
will arise, but you’ll survive.
25: People will know when you take shortcuts: In the
future, when you make a list of 40 things, if you come up with, say, filler,
people will notice, as they’re noticing right now.
24: Hide the phone on Christmas: Your intentions will
be in the right place, but you’re going to be the only one who understands why
you broke up with your girlfriend on Christmas via text message. Look, if they
liked you before the text, they’re not after such a stunt is pulled.
23: A broken heart sucks: There’s no sugar coating
this one, it hurts. You’re going to feel as if you’re the only one who has felt
such pain, but you’re experiencing the same thing all “normal” people go through.
It may feel like a dark tunnel that you’ll never escape, but I promise you
there’s light at the end, and it may just be more glorious than you can
imagine.
22: Others in the workplace may not have your best
intention in their hearts: You’re going to be overly trusting, but the
workplace can be akin to CBS’s Survivor game show. You won’t be able to
comprehend why right isn’t right, and why others may do all they can to
seemingly destroy what you have. One of the things that so many others life yourself
have is a natural, naïve sense about them, and when others tear you down, you
may never understand why they did it.
21: Forgive: It will be difficult, if not seemingly
impossible to forgive others. With “whatever happens first” and “whatever is
now is forever” will make any transgression against you feel like a
world-shattering moment. Here’s the thing, after a couple years the other
person may have totally forgotten what event it is that you’ve been carrying in
your heart all this time.
20: Do what makes you happy: Job burnout will be a
challenge. The thought of a 40-hour work week will be intimidating and will
feel like it’s something you’ll never be able to endure, but when you end up
working with the NTT INDYCAR Series, a 90-hour work week will be something you
look forward to. Honest!
19: Embrace Kansas: You’ll someday write a book
called Finding Kansas and you’ll describe Kansas as, “that one place where
I feel normal.” That place will be a topic, or activity, that is what your
brain thinks of at all hours of the day. Few people will ever experience the
joy that you’ll experience when immersed in learning everything there is to
know about a topic, or why you like something that may seem repetitive to them,
but embrace it, love it, and cherish the times something kicks into a hyperKansas.
18: Cherish animals: You don’t fully understand it
yet, but you and animals are going to have a special thing. You get them, they
get you, and you will have a knack for “stealing” other people’s pets. Oh, and
don’t let the time a German shepherd jumps over a fence and takes a few bites
of your knees ruin that bond for too long.
17: You’re living life unfiltered, and it’s exhausting: You
have no idea how others in school aren’t as exhausted as you at the end of the
school day. They seem to have an infinite power source in their hearts whereas
you are going to want to decompress at the end of the day. The reason this is,
is that you’re processing everything around you and don’t know it. It takes
more effort to pay attention to what you need to pay attention to.
16: There’s nothing more heart stopping than the words, “we
need to talk…”: No matter how many times it’s proven that the end of the
world doesn’t happen after this sentence, you will still fear it each and every
time.
15: Don’t let the diagnosis define you, help define it: The
worst day of your life will be when you’re diagnosed on the autism spectrum. It
isn’t because of the stigma society may have, but rather you are going to read,
“people on the autism spectrum will never have friends, will never have a job,
and will never be happy.” So, some advice, don’t look up medical info on the
internet in 2003. Oh, and you will have friends, some amazing friends, you will
have jobs, perhaps one of the coolest jobs on the planet, and you most certainly
capable of happiness and pure joy.
14: Beware the sensory episodes: Not everyone on the
spectrum will have the reaction you do, but when the wrong sensory element is
experienced by your brain, it will feel like hell. The first couple times you’re
going to hide it from everyone, and this is just going to make it worse.
13: Learn how to live with operating under the system of
being logical in an emotional world: Others may question if you even have
emotions, but you do. Oh, how you do! But, amid events you may take a logical
position and ask seemingly cold and callous questions. This system will lead to
the Christmas cellphone incident, and try as you might, others just won’t
understand.
12: Don’t be afraid of the world: There will be an
incident at the bowling alley that will inspire you to write, “people are mean,
people are awful, and they aren’t worth knowing.” Understand that others may be
emotional in your logical world. As much as you try to be alone, some of your
grandest moments will be because of the interactions with others.
11: Thank people: You’re going to come across others
that open doors you never thought possible and see things in you that you never
would’ve seen. Thank these people in the ways that you can because, after all,
odds are you’re going to avoid the social interaction of saying it in persona and
you may, right as you turn age 40, come up with a list and say you need to
thank others and that “they know who they are.”
10: Learn from others: It will be in 2005 or 2006
that you’ll see Temple Grandin speak. This will change your life as you realize
that you can be anything. Before that day, no matter who it was suggesting you
read other people’s works and stories, you won’t because your heart is still dark
from the belief that your life is predestined and not being happy is the only
outcome. Try and learn from others and know that failure isn’t guaranteed even
if you say it is.
9: Try and express yourself before your aged 22: One your
blackest night, you will sit down at a computer and write. No one suggested it,
no one asked for it, but you’re going to write your life story and explain
yourself emotionally. Before that time, your family may have only thought that
you experienced frustration, so try and show them the true scale of emotions
before then, even if talking about emotions was, and still is, something you’ll
try and avoid.
8: Learn how to cook: Eventually, there will be this
amazing thing called DoorDash and you won’t have to do anything except click
some buttons and food shows up at your door. However, it’s expensive and had I
only learned how to cook and understand directions earlier, perhaps a whole lot
of dollars could be saved.
7: Interact with people who have your same Kansas: You’re
going to learn how to have a conversation in the oddest of places as in 2004,
ToCA Race Drive 2 is going to be released for the Xbox, and you’re going to try
and avoid talking, but you’ll learn that others playing a racing game enjoy
racing as much as you. These skills will be gigantic later on.
6: You can’t change people: Other people have opinions,
and you may think they are wrong, but it’s fruitless to go on a long, drawn out
endeavor trying to change their minds.
5: Things won’t go how you’ve planned them: Right
now, you have this idea of how life will work out, but it isn’t going to work
out any way you thought it. This doesn’t mean it’s bad, so be prepared for
that. We can end up where we need to be and be put on a pathway to get there
without any knowledge that we were on that path all along.
4: Act like you already have the job you want: You
wanted to win the Indianapolis 500, but you also want to flag the Indianapolis
500. From the first time you’re racing on a track, or flagging, be dedicated as
if you’re already there. Don’t save your effort and await to give it your all
at the Indy 500, instead give the effort as if you are already there. You may
not think it, but passion and dedication are something other people pick up on
quickly.
3: Don’t succumb to peer pressure: You may never
figure out as to why others will try and change you, and there is something to
be said about sound advice, but some will try and change you just for giggles.
They may come off as your friends, but they may be anything but.
2: Joy to the world: When people have talked about
me, I’m amazed at how much of a part I’ve played in other’s lives when I
thought I was invisible. Just as you have a hard time expressing yourself,
others too may not let you know just how much of a joy you are.
1: If you’ve met one person with autism… Your story
is going to be unique. No one is going to have the same path or ride in life as
you, but so too you won’t have others. Some are going to excel in art, and you
are still carrying around the badge of shame of achieving an F in kindergarten
art. Never think that another person on the spectrum should be you, or that you
should be them. Drums will be the worst sensory thing you feel, and yet you’ll
meet a mom that has three daughters and they are all drummers. It will be
confusing, and after seeing Temple Grandin you won’t have heard of the sentence
that, if you’ve met one person with autism you’ve only met one person with
autism, but this will be the most important thing you’ll ever hear and it will help
you carve out your own story, and your own destiny.
No comments:
Post a Comment