Tuesday, June 27, 2023


 Finding Kansas Revisited continues on...

This chapter entitled Trapped was written the same night as Fear and really was a continuation. Whilst reading it, I did get the point that the publisher said in that, "there's some repetitive themes" which made a lot of content hit the cutting room floor. However, as you read this book, you should note that repetition goes hand and hand with Asperger's.

Repetition goes with both good things and bad things. When I was young, and perhaps even now, if there's an enjoyable topic, interest, or activity, I 'll probably want to do it over and over and over and over again. It takes a lot more time for something to go stale for me. With the good, however, also comes the bad and with emotions they go on and on and on again.

I hadn't written this phrase yet of, "everything is now" but that's what I was working for in this chapter. I noticed but didn't understand how, for others, things that were truly were, and things that were for me continued in a state of is. They were ongoing. The event or emotion could be dealt with, but it would continue to exist in the present.

Now, have things changed since I wrote this chapter? They have! I don't know how. I don't know why. But the words I used to describe the fear of being eternally trapped by fear aren't as relevant now. If I had to guess as to the cause, I'd probably say that being extremely busy has helped. When I was writing Finding Kansas, I had few events out of the house. Now, I spend about half the year on the road and have had this schedule since 2010. This isn't to say that being busy alone was the cure. I still think there are undertones of these elements in play.

It was difficult reading this chapter and chapter about fear. I can remember the sense of futility in each day and the agony of the repetitive emotions. I can't wait for my next book to come out as it shows what can come when there's seemingly no hope. It'll be a great contrast from Finding Kansas which was written by a future fearing 22-year-old to my next one, currently entitled Playing in Traffic, which was written by a 40-year-old that went from the lowest of lows to the greatest of heights.

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