Wednesday, September 28, 2022

The Grill

I sat, transfixed eyes out the window, wondering what type of scene in a movie this would be. Would it be a moment of reflection, celebration, or of a sense of failure? "No, not failure" I thought to myself, "this right here is life coming full circle and a victory celebration."

What had me in this state? I had left the golf course and headed towards the hotel and, much to my surprise, the restaurant that I had dinner at in 2003 was open. It was the FireSide Grill back then, but when I passed through the town as a passenger in 2016 headed to Pikes Peak the building was in a state of disarray. Now though, now it was open, so I had to go in.

There were many more people in there than in 2003. However, it was similar in layout, and I got a seat where I had sat all those years ago. My first thought I had was if this was what a midlife crisis felt like; this sense of trying to understand how I felt in a previous time. I pushed that thought away, but still wondered if the me of 2003 could have even dreamt of the places I've seen and the achievements I have reached. Then, I wondered, would the person I was even be proud of who I am now because back then the only thing that mattered was racing. It was plan A, there was no plan B.

Memories are a funny thing. It's odd how some events become a headliner, and others are forgotten. I haven't done much discussion on what happened between Vegas and my diagnosis, and the thing is, I'm not fully sure what happened. It's a bit of a lost time and I'd have to say I was depressed that I had been a professional driver and now I was sitting at home wondering how to get back. Of course, a month after this, my life would be changing with the diagnosis. 

As I finished up dinner, I enjoyed the secret I had in what this building meant to me. Everyone else in the crowded place was in conversation with the people they were having dinner with while I was alone. Alone with my thoughts, my memories, and as I left the hope that I left there knowing that I made it through such a horrible time after my diagnosis. That building was the last bright spot before my life changed, but I made it through, I made it back, and I'll continue going onward and upward.

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